Q&A Toddler

It is normal to be worried when your older child is not immediately comfortable with his new baby sister.

Because of this discomfort, it is possible that your son might start to act out and react in ways that disrupt your family and the peace at home.

In the same way it is important for you as parents to remember that this reaction from your son is also completely normal. Usually, we find that this kind of problem fades away after a few months. If this does not happen, or the acting out becomes worse, I recommend that you seek professional help and support.

From your son’s perspective, his baby sister came into your home and is getting all the attention because she constantly cries, needs to be fed, bathed and doted upon. Up until his sister’s arrival, he received all this time and attention. His baby sister is taking away something that he has become used to, enjoyed and needs. If your son is not comfortable with having a new baby sister, his behaviour can manifest in the following ways: he might continually be seeking attention, by crying or throwing tantrums.

He might also regress to previous developmental stages such as being babylike, reverting to wetting the bed and needing a bottle again. Children in this position usually don’t want to share, and they use the word “mine” a lot.

So, what can you do to help your son adjust to his new sister’s presence? Here are a few simple tips. The most important thing you need to do (even if your son does not seem interested) is to involve him, regularly, in the time spent with the baby. For example: If you lie on the bed feeding the baby, you can use this time to read to your son or tell him a story.

The worst thing that you as parents can do is to send your son to play every time you are busy with the new baby.

Let your son be involved and help out with activities surrounding his baby sister. For example: he can be with you during the times you dress or bath his sister, and you can ask him to perform simple tasks, like handing you something you need or holding something.

Remember to also give him constant compliments during this process of involvement and helping. You can say something like, “You are a champion or the best helper – I am so proud of you.” Do not react too much when your son wants to do “baby things”. If your son starts sleeping with a baby toy, let him be. If he starts crawling and does not want to walk, make a game of it. The less you react negatively, the faster this phase will pass. If your son reverts back to wetting his bed, don’t make a fuss about it.

Just normalise the situation, even if it is a little messy, by saying something like: “You had an accident. Please help me to clean up by putting the sheets in the wash.” One of the fastest ways of ending the bed wetting is for your child to help with this activity of cleaning up, even if he doesn’t want to.

Also, as parents, you must have one-onone time with your son.

While one parent is busy with the baby, the other parent can take time to play or do an activity with your son.

This can be difficult or even impossible, because as parents, you are also trying to adjust to your new schedule and obligations (you are also probably exhausted). Ask friends and grandparents visiting not just to fuss over the new baby but to give special attention to your son. Grandparents, especially, can be very helpful in this regard.

Lastly, try to remember to be of good cheer. Some days are very demanding, but it will get better.