Eternal bond

Finally you have your baby in your arms. Do you feel overwhelming love?

Bonding is instinctive sometimes, but often one does not immediately feel intense love for your baby. Rest assured, this is normal. Bonding is often a process that can take several months. It works like this: most babies are ready to bond with Mom almost the second they leave the uterus. The same can be said of many mothers. Scientists have long believed that there’s a window period shortly after birth during which Mom and Baby are very finely attuned to each other, and that a very strong bond could be forged between them during this time. Scientists have fortunately also proved in the meantime that bonding is not a nowor-never affair. Bonding between parents and their baby – the fostering of that deep, emotional bond between you – is a process that takes place over a long time, and often subconsciously. It can actually even start long before Baby’s birth. You might have been blissfully unaware, but the first time you heard his heartbeat in the doctor’s rooms or saw his little body all curled up on the sonar screen, you were already bonding.

But when and how it happens is not important. That it does happen is important, as bonding plays a big part in the emotional development of your child. The absence of a strong bond between a mom and her baby could harm the child’s ability to bond with others later in life, the experts say.

There are some tips for how you can establish and strengthen the bond between you and Baby. We share a couple.

BOND WITH YOUR BUMP

■ Understand your baby. If you know more about how your baby reacts to the outside world, you’ll be more in touch with him. Find out how he grows from week to week and what he can hear, see and taste.

■ Be in physical touch with your baby. Massage your belly, place your hand on your belly when he kicks, and play with him by pushing back.

■ Sonar bonding. Sonar exams are not only for checking that everything is going well with the pregnancy. It’s also a way to bond with Baby – especially for partners, so invite them to the next appointment.

■ Chat often. Say hi to your baby when you wake up, chat throughout the day and say goodnight. Mom’s voice is one of the first things a newborn recognises, and one of the things that will make him feel safe for a long time yet.

■ Feet in the air. Take 30 minutes a day to just sit or lie back and chill. Keep a kick count by placing your hand on your belly and counting how many times your baby moves during that time. This is excellent bonding time and will also put your mind at ease about his movement.

■ Dear diary… Want to tell your baby something? Write it down in a journal or diary.

BOND WITH YOUR BABY IN HOSPITAL

In the past 30 years or so, there’s been a lot of research about bonding between Mom and Baby. The results confirmed, among other things, the importance of the role of Mom as baby’s primary caregiver. Labour wards have responded, and today, a baby who’s just been born is given into Mom’s care instead of to the nurse a lot quicker. Arrangements have also changed that babies can sleep with moms rather than in the hospital nursery like it was in the past. ■ Skin on skin. Ask the nurse to give you your newborn unwashed baby to hold naked against your chest before taking him away to be weighed and for other routine tests.

■ Start breastfeeding ASAP. Breastfeeding stimulates the release of hormones that will let your caring instinct kick in even quicker. Babies are mostly very keen to immediately suckle their mom’s breast, and their sucking (rooting) reflex is very strong shortly after birth.

■ For your eyes only. Constantly chatting with your baby remains a fantastic way to forge a bond between you, but sometimes you don’t need to say a word. Eye to eye contact also promotes bonding.

■ A willing roomie. Ask the nurses to leave your baby with you if he’s healthy and not too exhausted. It’s been proven that babies want to be and thrive in Mom’s vicinity. Give him what he wants.

BACK HOME

■ Pyjama party. Those first two or three days back home – especially with a firstborn – are very special. Treasure them and forget about getting up and dressed. You and your baby can lie in bed all day long while you cuddle, read or sing to him. ■ Night owls. Also treasure the quiet moments with your baby in the wee hours of the morning. Many babies quickly learn to drop their night feeds.

■ Start with baby massage. It’s one of the best ways to bond with your new baby, and you don’t need to wait long to start. Margo Kilborn, a trained baby massage instructor, says newborn babies can definitely be massaged – just remember that they can be overstimulated. “Also remember never to massage a sleeping baby,” she says.

■ Close to your heart. Carry your baby in a special baby carrier against your body during the day. This frees up your hands, and you can get on with things while your baby gets the benefit of your close presence. Your movements are also soothing.

IF BABY IS BORN PREM OR ILL

All these ways to bond with Baby are easy if he comes into the world in good health, but how does the picture change when everything does not go smoothly? How to bond with a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU)?

Sister Liana Herbst, who has lots of experience working in hospital NICUs, explains:

“Premature babies are super sensitive to handling and noise. They don’t like being stroked at all, for example. For the caregivers of these babies we teach a specific way of touching the baby.” You hold one hand on the baby’s head and the other underneath his bum. Kangaroo care is another very effective way to bond with premature babies. “It involves the baby being held naked, except for a nappy and beanie, in an upright position against the caregiver’s chest with direct skin contact. The baby is then tied to the adult’s chest and covered with a shirt or blanket. In this way a steady temperature – just like in an incubator – can be maintained.”

Sister Herbst says research has shown that premature babies who receive kangaroo care, gain weight faster and experience fewer irregular breathing sessions. And if you want to breastfeed, there’s an added advantage – your milk production gets a boost from holding your baby this close.

Caregivers of premature or ill babies are also encouraged to become involved with their sprogs in other ways. As soon as Baby is stable, the caregiver can start changing nappies, Sister Herbst says. “We naturally strongly encourage breastfeeding, as it’s so fantastic for bonding, also with an ill or premature baby. Even just by expressing milk and storing it (Baby gets it in a tube inserted into the nose), Mom feels more involved. “If the baby is still very ill, we allow Mom to spend as much time as she wants with him. It’s also very important for parents to talk to their babies. One can make the incubator as cosy as possible with a soft toy.” ●