Facing a funeral How to emotionally prepare yourself

Attending the funeral of a loved one is not easy. It’s difficult to say goodbye, especially if you were very close.

You can try and make it a little bit easier by preparing yourself mentally, emotionally and physically for the funeral.

Practice beforehand if you have to deliver a eulogy, read something or sing a song during the service.

This will prepare you for the emotions you may have while delivering the speech or music.

Prepare yourself to greet people at the funeral. If you do not feel up to long conversations, it is perfectly acceptable to simply thank them for their presence.

Prepare to receive a lot of condolences – some inappropriate, clichéd or annoying.

Funerals are awkward social gatherings during which nobody really knows what to say, especially when it comes to expressing their condolences.

Most people mean well, so don’t react harshly to words that sound insensitive or self-absorbed.

Handle this by saying a simple ‘thank you for being here’.

Be prepared to hear nosy questions or upsetting conversations.

People may try to bully you into reliving the details of how the person died, probe into the deceased’s finances or even try to discuss the person’s religious beliefs.

End such conversations in their tracks by saying that you don’t want to talk about it.

Be prepared to console others. Embrace the opportunity to share your grief with others and cry together over the loss of someone you all cared for.

It really is okay to cry at funerals, but if you’re scared of having an emotional meltdown, here are some scientifically backed tips to stop yourself from crying:

• Tilt up your head. This will make your tears collect at the bottom of your eyelids and stop them from running down your cheeks.

• Pinch yourself really hard. Physical pain is an excellent way of distracting you from crying. • Tense up your muscles. This is

said to increase your confidence

and sense of control.

• Put up a neutral facial expression. A neutral expression will discourage the person you’re talking to from using emotional facial expressions, which in turn might trigger your own tears.

• Take deep breaths. It will calm you down and make you less teary.

• Blink rapidly to ‘wipe’ away the tears from your eyes.

• Don’t blink - this apparently also helps to dry up tears.

• Think of something else. Distract yourself by playing back a happy memory or funny joke.

• Relax your facial muscles. Crying makes your face tense up, whereas relaxing your facial muscles can help to prevent you from tearing up.

• Take a sip of water. Get rid of that lump in your throat by drinking water, swallowing or yawning. • Pinch your nose. Your tear ducts stem from the corners of your eyes down the side of your nose, so pinching the bridge of your nose when you start to tear up will stop the tide.