Taking the turn-off to a miscarriage

Did you know October is National Transport Month?

I bet you didn’t, but you’re forgiven because that bunch of brain surgery candidates running this country comes up with so many stupid ideas that one just cannot keep up.

I’m quite sure there’s a Pit Latrine Day, Bankrupt State Entity Month, Year of the Unqualified Cadre, and even a Decade of the Corrupt President.

But let’s stick to the subject, which is transport, and let me bring you up to speed.

I’m quoting key phrases and words straight from the government’s web page:

“...Showcase transport infrastructure; reveal a nine-point plan to stimulate investment; advance road safety initiatives”.

True to form, the government has a plan and it has points.

In this case nine.

The pseudo intellectuals don’t specify what those nine points entail, but they are possibly the nine tenders for the two potholes they plan to fix.

As for stimulating investment, well, they’re doing a spectacular job of stimulating disinvestment, so that might just be a typo.

And what road safety initiatives do we currently have?

Um, let me think…

If derailing Transnet to flood the roads with trucks is a safety initiative, our government is doing a brilliant job.

Last week, smack in the middle of our glorious Transport Month,

I went to Hluhluwe on a Saturday morning, and let me tell you, the fact that I’m still alive and able to write about how utterly useless our government is, is a miracle in the walking-on-water category.

Trucks and drunk drivers! Hundreds of them.

Coal trucks, cane trucks, logging trucks, unroadworthy trucks and broken down trucks all the way, and people so drunk they fell out of the car upon opening the door.

I saw a group of guys in a blue Polo (it’s always a Polo), changing drivers next to the N2.

They were all so sloshed that the four passengers could not get the driver they pulled from behind the steering wheel to his feet.

Three minutes later, that same Polo with those same dipsomaniacs were trying to pass me on the left as I waited for some sort of divine intervention so I could overtake three coal trucks travelling bumper-to-bumper.

I saw groups of men drinking next to cars at the side of the road and under bridges, shamelessly standing there, boot open with the cooler box, booze and ice on full display.

Now where are our traffic officers and where’s or minister of transport?U

Do we even have a minister of transport?

According to the website, www. gov.co.za_useless, we do have one and, surprise surprise, she’s from KZN.

The Honourable Chikunga holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in something called 'curationis' which apparently has something to do with nursing.

She also has a diploma in midwifery, according to her bio on www.gov.co.za_incompetent.

If she got the job to deliver babies next to the road because that other State struggle, the public health system, doesn’t have one serviceable ambulance, her being in that position makes sense (very slightly though).

But for any other reason, like overseeing everything to do with transportation in this country, a midwife being our minister of transport is an abortion.

So there you have it folks; now you know that October is Transport Month and that it too, like everything else the government touches, is a miscarriage.

Please be safe when taking on Zululand’s roads.

Have the patience of Job and, while sitting behind those three coal trucks for 50km at 40km/h, pray, because only divine intervention can save us from this mess.