Looking for someone to take top job

IF you hadn’t realised from the sudden deluge of smiling politicians suddenly fixing potholes, re-invigorating long-dormant infrastructure projects and building homes at a rate that would impress the Chinese, next year is an election year.

Service delivery that was promised some five years ago is finally starting to be delivered, and load-shedding appears to be in decline, with soothsayers are prophesying it’s only a matter of months before load-shedding becomes a thing of the past – at least until that final ballot paper is in the box.

There is good news though, as the IEC had its best weekend yet, and they weren’t even referring to their office Christmas party where they all get drunk and admit where their political allegiances really lie.

They managed to break another record for South Africa for the highest registration activity in a single day, clocking in more than 26 000 registered voters.

This continues our 2023 track record of achievements, following on from the Springbok World Cup win, the Golden Shears World

Sheep Shearing and Wool-handling Championships gold medal winners Bonile Rabela and Zwelamakhosi Mbuweni, our beekeepers winning at the 2023 UK National Honey Show with Dawid Rooifontein taking first prize for his citrus honey, and that guy who spotted convicted criminal Thabo Bester buying his Flat White from Woolworths in Sandton when he was supposed to be six-feet under.

But I digress! Our focus needs to be firmly on the upcoming elections and who we are going to vote in as president.

Look, in all likelihood, we’re going to be stuck with an almost 72-year-old President Squirrel Ramaphosa who – while a decade younger than his predecessor – still hides his loose $580 000 change in his couch cushions.

And then ‘is shocked’ when it gets stolen in a country with some of the highest rates of inequality and a level of crime that puts most South American countries to shame.

The biggest concern for many is that Ramaphala Phala is the best of a bad lot, and when you start scouring the other political parties, you realise you’re facing what a

33% pass actually leaves you with.

The EFF is a no-go. I’ve never been a huge fan of internment camps and red just absolutely isn’t my colour.

ActionSA, too, seems quite intent on expelling all the foreigners, and if you dig too deep into anyone’s ancestry, you’re not going to like what you find.

President Steenhuisen just rings far too many alarm bells for only 25 years of democracy, and I don’t think my eye muscles will survive the amount of eyeball rolling that would follow every time he opened his mouth.

Interestingly enough, this new Multi-Party Charter brings with it a new spin on things.

While one of the existing party heads would most likely take the top spot if they were to be voted in, there is another option on the table.

The coalition government could opt for an outside candidate who could take the place as the chosen presidential candidate ahead of the elections.

This person would have to have the charisma of Jack Kennedy, the soul of Mother Teresa, and probably the boobs of Dolly Parton to really capture the nation’s attention.

This means there is an outside chance we could have President

Siya Kolisi and Deputy President Rassie Erasmus running the country from next year.

The possibility of this almost makes me want to vote.

But why stop there?

Let’s throw Bonile Rabela and Zwelamakhosi Mbuweni in as contenders – if you can shear a sheep with the best of the best, you deserve a shot.

Dawid Rooifontein clearly has the right ingredients for a successful potion, let him run as well.

Let’s not forget Trevor Noah and Charlize Theron – she’s only one of 44 people who can speak Afrikaans so that has to come in handy.

We can dream, we always do.

But with politics playing out the way it has the last few decades, America is going to vote in that decaying tangerine once again and we’ll probably be left with President Thabo Bester and Deputy President Nandipha Magudumana donning their red berets.