Even death has become unaffordable

Let’s talk about death.

Not the slow death of a first world economy by the long fingers of liberation movements, but death from old age and, more specifically, the cost of passing away.

To others, that is, not the stiff. My family has been blessed with longevity, but even so, for most of the old folks back home, the end of the road is in sight.

I see it as not much different from when we went on family vacations back in the good old days.

Driving down from the Free State once a year, come Pinetown we would bet who would be the first to spot the ocean - which, to us, was absolute paradise back then.

Just pretend betting of course; real betting was a one way road to hell according to the church, and two weeks in that Sodom and Gomorrah that was Durban, was already poking the devil with a sharp stick.

Today, both in their mid-70s, mom and dad are almost there; on the Pinetown side of 70 with the sight of paradise-eternal probably around the next bend.

Heavens, I hope they have their accommodation sorted out because if Durban was a bit shady in the 80s, today it’s hell, even if you’re from a desolate part of the country like the Free State.

They should rather head down south because in the new South Africa, south has become the new Promised Land.

Hang on, I’m losing my way here.

What I actually want to say is that life, or death for that matter, has become so expensive that I’m worried I will not have the financial means to attend a funeral if someone should suddenly pass on.

With fuel being the new holy water these days, a 1 600km road trip will just about take the life out of me too, and they can lay me to rest right next to whoever's funeral it might be.

Add to that toll fees, several garage pies to keep body and soul together and not faint from hunger while carrying the coffin, and perhaps a new pair of shoes, and my bank balance has just about been murdered.

Should another close family member then fail to schedule his or her demise according to my financial recovery plan, I might as well commit suicide and join them.

I’ve already missed a couple of funerals over the last few years and got away with it because they were aunts and uncles I didn’t have too much to do with when growing up (thank heavens), but those left alive all fall in the you-better-be-hereyou-heartless-wretch category.

So I’m contemplating starting to budget for future funeral costs.

I feel it’s the right thing to do.

It's the only thing that I can think of doing, mind you.

Every month I shall put a bit of money aside for when someone dies.

It's quite disturbing that life has become so expensive that one has to count their pennies to pay their last respects.

It shouldn't be that way.