Help and advice
I think I’ve lost all interest in dating women
I think I need advice. I've lost my interest in women completely and I've been single my whole life.
It doesn't really bother me; I'm not gay but I've just lost interest in anything sexual because of being heartbroken throughout my life and I think that might have something to do with it.
Should I just not date and be single because it wouldn't make me happy, or should I just have women that are friends? C. B.
Fiona says: ‘Are you really being honest about your feelings?’
You say you've lost interest in women and in the next sentence you say it doesn't bother you - but it clearly does.
You say you've been single your whole life, yet you say you've been heart-broken. For that to have happened, you must have been in some kind of relationship and had strong emotional feelings.
You ask if you should not date and remain single but, your very next words say this wouldn't make you happy. You ask if you should just have women as friends, which implies you are have plenty of women around you that you might potentially date.
There are so many contradictions and real confusion in your email, so it's hard to understand what you want to achieve.
I cannot help but wonder about one thing, and that's where you tell me you're not gay and link that to saying you've lost interest in anything sexual.
Is that, perhaps at the root of your problem? Is your lack of sexual interest in women because you're denying your feelings for men? Is there something about your background, your family perhaps, that would make it very difficult for you to be gay?
I'd certainly encourage you to have lots of friends who are women and lots of friends who are men - but also to be honest with yourself about what you do want.
By the sounds of it, that means you want to be in a relationship with someone who cares about you and who you care for. For that, I think you might need some counselling, so you understand your own feelings a lot better than you seem to at present.
Contact Relate (relate.org.uk) and speak to a counsellor who can help you sort out exactly what you're trying to find in life.
I dread our expensive annual work outings
The company I work for organises a staff outing every year, and everyone's expected to go. They pay the cost of travel - usually by hiring a coach - but we're expected to pay for our own food and drink at the closest restaurant to the attraction that is chosen.
I only work part-time because of family commitments and every year I dread this event, which always ends up costing me a lot more than I can afford. On top of that, it's not even as if I enjoy it because people just talk about work and get competitive.
I find it really boring, but I don't want to get on the wrong side of the managers.
Is there any way out? E.J.
Fiona says: ‘There must be a way of making this more budget-friendly’
I suspect you're not the only one who feels this way! Company days out are generally regarded as important personnel tools; designed to encourage bonding or a sense of shared experience but I agree with you, they can be very boring!
They are seen as important in some companies though, so you may have to grit your teeth and go along with it. That doesn't mean you should suffer financially though, so talk to your manager and explain.
There's no reason why you and perhaps some other colleagues who are feeling a bit strapped for cash - shouldn't organise alternative eats. If the outing is to the seaside, suggest fish and chips - and perhaps a round of crazy golf after for the competitive ones. If it's to somewhere remote, suggest a picnic where everyone brings something to share.
You could even volunteer to organise the event, ensuring there's enough food for everyone and you don't end up with 600 sausage rolls and nothing else! If the powers that be are determined to force an expensive restaurant meal on you all then you would be within your rights to refuse to join in. They may just offer to pay for you, which, I have to say, is what most companies do anyway.