10 things you should have learned as a child

The brain is such a useful tool; it has the ability to learn and acquire new information at an extraordinary rate. The trick is to learn which information is correct and what is not. Unfortunately, it usually takes a lifetime to know the difference.

What people should do as they grow up is to review what they have been taught in life, fill in the gaps and correct the errors that they have accidentally been told are true.

Childhood is such a difficult time; there is so much to learn and everything seems difficult. Even learning a language so soon after learning to walk and move the limbs in an organised way is a challenge.

Even before a language is understood, however, children learn about the environment in which they have suddenly appeared. They learn by observation and if the people they observe are flawed, they will learn to be flawed as well.

There is another problem. Children learn more quickly at a young age. As they grow up, their ability to acquire knowledge slows down and is contaminated by existing information. It is when children are under (approximately) 7 or 8 years that they need the best tuition but by then they have usually learned the worst lessons. Correcting mistakes is harder than learning correctly in the first place.

There are hundreds of things children must learn but the following are common errors or gaps in their learning:

1. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood.

Parents do their best to protect their children from ‘life’s realities’ when, in fact, they should expose them to real life. Parents want children to grow up with nice things but then they are ill prepared for adult life. Children should experience failure as well as success; they should see disappointment, pain, frustration etc. They should be experienced in such a way that they can learn rather than just suffer.

2. How relationships work

Relationships are complicated affairs and children learn almost everything they know from their parents and grandparents. For example, if the parents argue (even row), but then make up afterwards, children learn how to deal with disagreement. In their own relationships later in life, they know what to do. Parents who never argue or do not allow the children to see them doing so will give their children a distorted concept of how relationships work.

3. Grown-ups are often wrong

Grown-ups have learned from their parents etc., and have acquired their preconceptions, bias and bigotry. They then pass that on to their children. It is not easy to know what is correct and what is not. A University of Chicago President addressing his new student intake told them that half of what they will learn at the university might not be true, but they just didn’t know which half yet. It is hard for parents to tell children that they make lots of mistakes; they feel that it undermines their authority and frightens their children. In reality, it makes the children think for themselves rather than accept everything they are told.

4. There should be no single role model.

It is very unlikely that any one person can have all the characteristics to be a role model. Children, however, look to one parent as the person to copy. They take on their attributes and their faults without choosing which is which. Ideally, children should look at a range of people and choose those character traits they admire from each.

5. Sexual abuse is never the child’s fault.

Sexual abuse is a common event with one girl in six and one boy in twelve being victims. All too often, children believe that they have instigated the sexual abuse themselves and as a result feel low self-esteem and guilt. Usually it is only when the child becomes an adult that they can understand but by then it is too late and they personality has been damaged.

6. Children are restricted by their beliefs and expectations.

Children grow up believing what they can and cannot do; if their parents teach them to expect little, then they will achieve little. Private school does not educate children to a higher standard, they give children a higher expectation in life, and as a result they achieve more. It is important for people to accept that they can achieve so much more and strive to make it happen. When people believe that they can only jump over a one metre wall, they will never try a wall that is higher. The truth is that they may be able to jump a 1½ metre wall but they will never even attempt it. This is hard for children to understand and usually this realisation only dawns on people in later life when it is too late.

7. Children must put themselves first.

Though it is regarded as selfish and very bad, children must put themselves first, because no one else will. Though parents do not accept the fact; they put themselves first. Parents want to live their own lives (and should do so), but be honest enough to admit to themselves and their children that they have to find their own way in life. When children realise that they must look after themselves and be responsible for their own success of failure that they will truly be ready for the real world.

8. Parents have psychological problems like everyone else.

Children believe that their parents are always right; it follows that they believe that their parents are mentally stable and know what they are doing. The truth is that parents are just people with the same issues as everyone else. It takes some maturity for children to understand that their parents have psychological problems. Problems may include depression, alcoholism, etc.

9. Children should be less sensitive.

Quite often children grow up be sensitive to the mood of the people around them. This is understandable but there is a risk that, while trying to please, children become too sensitive and as a result, somewhat neurotic. The risk is a condition which is where children are so sensitive that they see criticism and rejection even when it does not exist.

10. Existing thinking is probably wrong.

Accepting that there is a huge amount of misinformation put out by parents, grandparents and even governments, it is important for children to question everything. This questioning is rarely accepted by parents (and teachers) willingly but is very healthy for the child and for society as a whole.

Though people often fail to learn what is necessary as a child, through no fault of their own. It is therefore important that they learn when they become adults.

Probably the most important thing that people should learn is that life is great and they should be thankful of the opportunity to experience it.