Help and advice
So hurt by my husband’s comments on my ‘drab’ appearance
My husband and I were getting ready to go out last week and I asked him how I looked. When he said he thought I looked a bit drab, I changed into something else - but then he said it wasn't my clothes it was me, and that I'd let myself go of late.
I was really hurt and, after a furious row, he went to the party on his own.
Since then we've hardly spoken to each other and you could cut the atmosphere at home with a knife.
Our oldest daughter, who's nine, has asked me what's and I have no idea what to tell her. The thing is, I know he's right - I've put on a lot of weight and stopped caring about the way I look as most of the time, I'm stuck at home with the kids. Not that this is an excuse for him to hurt me though.
A. B.
Fiona says: ‘Is there more going on?’
Until you can find a way to break the deadlock and start talking again, the uncomfortable atmosphere will continue. Your husband spoke at a bad time and his words were hurtful - but is there ever a good way to say to someone that they've let themselves go and that you're concerned?
He probably knows he's made a mess of things and doesn't know what to say next start the process and he may well apologise.
I'm not into body-shaming and your weight shouldn't matter as long as you're healthy, but it sounds as if you've stopped caring about yourself at all. Could it be that you're a bit depressed - maybe bored with your life? You say you're "stuck" at home and that's very telling.
I'd suggest it's certainly something to be discussed with your husband, as you might need to find something to do that challenges you and breaks you out of this rut.
Getting fed up with my negative friend
My friend and I were, at one time, inseparable but she's not the person she was. Even my husband, who gets on with everyone, struggles to cope with her.
She's constantly moaning and nothing is ever right.
She goes on at me about what she thinks is wrong with my life but actually, I'm really happy and love my husband. She was bridesmaid at our wedding last year and she seems to have changed since then. She's paranoid about her boyfriend, who she thinks is seeing someone else - I don't think he is but I do think he's getting fed up with her.
We've been friends since we were teenagers and I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but I am not sure I can cope with much more of this.
C. F.
Fiona says: ‘Is she jealous of your happiness?
It sounds as if your wedding might have been a trigger for your friend to start thinking about what's wrong with her life. She seems to have got herself stuck in a dangerously destructive rut, and it sounds like she's jealous of your happiness. Seeing you happily settled with a loving partner emphasises the fact that she isn't.
How you deal with this depends on whether you still value her friendship. You could simply try to distance yourself until she sorts herself out however, I suspect you'd find that hard to do.
The very fact that you've written to me suggests that you still care about her, so perhaps it's time to sit her down and tell her of your concerns. Perhaps you could suggest that she sees a life-coach to help her sort out what she wants to do or, if that doesn't seem something she'd go for perhaps suggest she sees her GP?
A lasting friend IS hard to come by and perhaps deserves some help in getting through this rough patch.