Help and advice
Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine advises a woman who is angry because she didn't know her boyfriend was married.
So angry my boyfriend didn’t tell me he’s married
For the past two years, I have been having a relationship with an old boyfriend.
Like me he'd had several messy, failed relationships and we both found it easier to get back together with someone that we already knew.
Over the past few months, though, we saw less and less of each other - sometimes only meeting up once a week. I was afraid we were drifting apart but was completely unprepared for him turning up at my flat last month wearing a wedding ring. When I asked him about it, he quickly took it off and said that he thought he had told me he'd got married just over a year ago. I was so angry that I threw him out there and then.
Now I hate the thought that I have been the 'other woman' and feel so stupid for letting him get away with this for so long. E. L.
Fiona says: You weren’t to know, this is all on him
Please let go of this guilt, nothing you did was wrong. If you must blame someone, blame this man who has deceived and hurt you so badly.
There is no reason why you would have known about his marriage, so you're completely innocent as far as being the 'other woman' is concerned.
Have some sympathy for his wife because I'm sure she doesn't know that the man she married was still conducting an affair with an old girlfriend and continued to do so after the wedding!
He's a selfish, inconsiderate cheat and you've done the right thing by ending it immediately. I'm sure you're hurt, but he's not worth grieving over. You've got over "several messy, failed relationships" before, so I'm sure you've got the strength to get over this one and put the whole sorry episode behind you.
Where do we start seeking help for my husband’s back pain?
My husband has suffered with pain in his back, shoulders and neck for years.
He has a high-pressured job but has always scoffed at the idea of treatment.
However, he's finally agreed that he needs to do something but neither of us has a clue where to go for a 'reputable' massage. He'd be really embarrassed if someone tried to offer him any massage 'extras'. Can you help? S. K.
Fiona says: ‘Maybe start with a trip to the GP
If this will be your husband's first treatment after many years of pain, I think it would be a good idea for him to have a chat with his doctor first. This should flag up any potentially serious underlying cause and mean that your husband can be referred for appropriate NHS physiotherapy, or other therapies if needed.
If his pain is indeed just down to muscle tightness and stress, then massage would certainly help and there are many different types. Sports massage is widely available, and your local sports centre should have details and may even offer its own service.
Other massage types include Swedish, Therapeutic or Remedial, and these can usually be found through alternative or complimentary therapy centres.
You should be able to find a trained and experienced practitioner through the British Complementary Medicine Association (bcma.co.uk). He really doesn't need to worry about being offered "extras" by any professional registered therapist.