Help and advice

Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine advises three women who are stugling in their reationships

Why did my boyfriend suddenly ignore me?

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly three months and we were getting on great. We went to a party a week ago though and while we were there, he all but ignored me. He chatted and flirted with other girls and I only danced with him once.

I thought he'd take me home afterwards, but the party never seemed to end and people were sitting around talking, until I got fed up and left.

Since then he's not called or texted me and refuses to answer if I call him. I don't know what to do but I miss him so much.

D. B.

Fiona says: ‘Is this boy really worth it?’

I think your boyfriend has made it clear, from his behaviour and subsequent silence, that he doesn't want to continue a relationship with you. He's behaved very badly, showing total lack of respect for you and for your feelings.

If you continue to try and get him to come back to you then I fear he will only continue to treat you badly and hurt you.

I'd encourage you to move on and look for someone else but, if you do manage to get him to come back, please be strong enough to make it clear you're not prepared to be treated like that again. If he ignores you again, as you were at that party, then walk away.

I feel so trapped and confused about my marriage

I've been married for 14 years and mostly things have been good but, over the last year, something seems to have gone wrong. My husband and I argue a lot and if we're not arguing, we seem to spend time not talking. Strangely, when we do talk, we both agree we still love one another.

My problem though is that about three months ago, when things were bad, I went out with a guy from work and slept with him a couple of times. He says he loves me and part of me wants to leave my husband and go with him but, every time I almost walk out, something stops me.

I feel trapped and so confused.

A. M.

Fiona says: ‘Is the love worth fighting for?’

I suspect, from that you've said, that what's stopping you is that you still love your husband! If you honestly felt no love for your husband at all then I'm sure you'd seriously think about leaving - but wouldn't you rather try and save your marriage? If you do, then you'll have to stop the relationship with your colleague, however painful that may be. It might even mean changing you job to move yourself away from temptation.

There's every possibility that you and your husband could be happy together once more, but it's going to need commitment from both of you. To get to the bottom of what has gone wrong, you might find it helpful to contact Relate (relate.org.uk), either online or through face-to-face counselling.

I’m not sure I want to get married

My partner and I have lived together happily for nine years and we're as close and as happy as two people can possibly be. He's really keen that we should get married but I'm not so sure.

My parents' marriage is stuck in a rut and I'm afraid our lives would become dull like theirs. I suppose I'm frightened of being trapped but I'm also afraid of being on my own. What's the answer?

S. K.

Fiona says: ‘Was the spark there to begin with?’ There's no one answer to a question like this because everyone is different. You and your partner are not the same people as your parents.

Usually, at the start of relationship, everything about a partner is exciting and life takes on a special sort of buzz.

It might sound great to be able to maintain a relationship at this level of intensity, but it would be exhausting.

Over time, therefore, feelings tend to become calmer but this doesn't make them any less loving or significant.

Does this describe the course of your relationship?

Marriage or not won't necessarily ignite a spark if there's never been one in the first place, but if you had one and it's now more of a smoulder, perhaps your expectations for your future are unrealistic.

All relationships require effort and commitment to keep the spark going. If your relationship becomes dull in the future - married or not - it's because you've failed to make the effort.

If you've never had a spark to begin with, though, it's possible you're not in the right relationship, which might, of course, also explain your reluctance to commit. Coronation Street actress Alison King, who plays Carla Connor In the ITV soap has got engaged to IT salesman David Stuckey after he popped the question on a romantic boat trip in Portugal.

However, it very nearly didn’t happen after choppy waters meant they had to head back to port as he was too scared in case he dropped the stunning diamond and platinum ring into the sea!

He popped the question just a few days after their oneyear anniversary and the actress bought him a Rolex watch as she had an inkling that he would propose.

The happy couple met in March 2018 when their personal trainer set them up and they have already chosen their wedding venue, where they plan to have a ‘nice party’.

She has a daughter Daisy Mae from a previous relationship.