Beggar thy neighbour under new rules
THE PUBLIC is being urged by the government to shop groups of more than six people ‘ mingling’ in breach of the latest Covid- 19 rules that came into force this week.
Under what is essentially a ‘ snitchers’ charter’, people are asked to get on the blower to the boys and girls in blue if they suspect the regulations are being flouted by neighbours.
Her Majesty’s press has already condemned the move over the controversial ‘ rule of six’ after a Home Office minister urged the public to report anyone to the police – all be it via the non- emergency 101 number.
Fleet Street, which has attacked the new rules for sparking a fresh wave of confusion across the UK – not least because the regulations vary across the four home countries – described the government advice as an invitation for an epidemic of curtain twitching along the streets as modern day versions of legendary TV comedy busy- body Hyacinth Bucket attempt to keep up appearances.
Perhaps more importantly, the thin blue line believes its officers have more than enough on their plates at present, what with frontline duties such as fighting rising knife crime, county line drug gangs and monitoring the growing number of demonstrations ( these are still allowed under the new guidance); not to mention tackling the illegal mass parties and raves that are a major risk to health.
The police federation, which represents the hard- pressed rank- and- file, warned there was not an ‘ endless pot’ of officers and warned forces would be ‘ distracted’ by a call complaining there were ( shock horror!) SEVEN people in next door’s garden. Bobbies fear the government is creating a ‘ perfect storm’ situation over law and order.
However, at the Home Office, Minister Kit Malthouse believes neighbours have a ‘ duty’ to call the police if they have concerns about the behaviour of neighbours under a responsibility for ‘ collective health’.
Breaking the rule of six can attract a £ 100 fine; rising to over £ 3,000 for repeat offending behaviour. No. 10 apparently wants a ‘ softly, softly’ approach at first with warnings before penalties for rule breakers. Life can be confusing in the coronavirus era.
Hunting, shooting and fishing
Labour has been quick to fire a broadside at another Tory flagship coronavirus policy; this time its new rules regarding team sports and exemptions from the numbers game.
Shooting is allowed under the guidelines – including paintball apparently – but those on the opposition benches in the House of Commons were quick to accuse the government of pandering to the toffs and the welly and Barbour brigade; while imposing ever more stringent restrictions on mere mortals.
The socialists maintain the Conservatives were just trying to keep the backbenches and big donors quiet by letting them get out on the grouse moors and pot supper.
Of course, those taking part in shooting – of clay pigeons or living, flying beasties – are socially distanced because of gun safety. Valuable gun dogs are protected from danger, naturally… while beaters are 10 a penny.
Back in the day, there was an intriguing look at society and the class structure in the 1985 film ‘ The Shooting Party’. It starred the likes of James
Mason, Edward Fox and John Gielgud and was set in 1913 and featured characters on a country estate pheasant shoot, set against the growing tensions that would result in the Great War when both aristocrats and peasants headed off to the trenches.
The list of sports allowed to go ahead includes angling, team sports like football, cricket, rugby ( both codes), basketball, netball, rounders, rowing, sailing, canoeing, climbing, sailing, curling, and both hockey and ice hockey amongst a host of others.
There are more unusual sporting activities that are also allowed; such as ‘ ultimate frisbee’, dragon boat racing, dodgeball, octopush ( underwater hockey the list helpfully explains), and ‘ goatball’ – which has no helpful notes so you just have to let your imaginations run riot.
Sadly, there is no room for throwing jumpers down in the park for a quick kickabout or an impulsive use of a tennis racquet and ball for a game of French cricket. Be warned, these could easily attract the attention of the Covid referees and a red card.
Simply Pythonesque
And now for something completely different. A Manchester commuter boarded a bus using his pet snake as a face covering, the docile reptile wound round his neck and mouth.
Fellow passengers thought it was just ‘ a funky mask’ until the snake began to unravel and explore the backrest of the seat in front – the slithering animal caught on camera and photos posted on social media.
One fellow passenger believed the man was wearing a ‘ funky mask’ until the snake – a python or other constrictor type – began to move. She said the incident was ‘ really funny’ and was a bright spot in a grey coronavirus day; saying no one on board ‘ batted an eyelid’.
In the UK face coverings are mandatory except for children under the age of 11 or those exempt for health reasons – a spokesman for Transport for Manchester later confirmed a snake was not seen as a valid mask.
However, at least he saw the funny side; adding: “Government guidance clearly states that this need not be a surgical mask and passengers can make their own or wear something suitable, such as a scarf or bandana.
“While there is a small degree of interpretation that can be applied to this, we do not believe it extends to the use of snakeskin… especially when still attached to the snake.”