HELLO... I’m a WORRY - holic...
Hello my name is “MOM”, and I am a worry-holic. I have been an addict since the birth of my first born thirteen years ago, and rather than overcome my shortcomings, my addiction has doubled, tripled and quadrupled with the birth of my last and fourth child. I need help.
From the moment the day dawns my internal mum security system pings into action. Mentally, I've done a perimeter check on where every child is, what activity they have for the day and its degree of hazardness. Would the swim teachers be able to cope with 25 four year olds at the school swim lesson? Would my adamant fourteen year old goalie survive a tough session of football? Has my picky eater got a varied diet today...yes, as mums, we hold the championship cup when it comes to the worry game and when our children are involved. Of course you say we are all human, ‘being worried' is a positive reaction to a situation. It is best to be worried rather than heartlessly
detached. But constantly worrying about things can also be destructive to yourself and everyone around you.
I agree being a parent is not always beautiful and stress free, children are not perfect moulds of correct behaviour, and parenting also has a dark underbelly filled with uncertainty, confusion and constant stress. If you find yourself constantly worrying about every minor detail, you make mountains out of molehills. If your everyday conversation with everyone is about how you worry about problems etc, then after sometime people will stop being that constant reassuring shoulder, they would rather alienate you than listen to an earful of the same old worries.
1 If you are going through a situation in your life that is stressful, then schedule time to mull over that problem at that particular time. Do something constructive during that period, either take a walk or clean out a cupboard, get lost in your worrisome thoughts and give them that moment of indulgence. For the rest of the day shut them out and be your usual happy and carefree self.
2
Try and not make every minor setback a major problem. In parenting along with the good times also come the bad times. So your child is not doing well in school or the baby is not sleeping at night, these are not problems to overwhelm your whole life with as well as others. Get a perspective, situations change all the time, it is important how we deal with them during that moment. Constant wallowing in despair is not the answer.
3
If a problem arises, ask yourself what the worst is that could happen. Write it down and think about solutions to avoid the eventual outcome. Mentally this is a more healthy way of dealing with the problems at hand. You are approaching the problem constructively, sitting around complaining about it is not going to solve the problem sooner.
4
Psychologists has also recommended keeping a worry journal, or even if you were to write a problem down in your day to day organiser. As you look back it helps to put your current problem in perspective, for example toilet training for your child was your worry maybe ten years ago, whilst now you worry about them entering their teen years and in the future you will worry about them being adults. Everything has a perspective and problems become trivial as you look back at them.
5 Some specialists have also recommended writing down your problem on a piece of paper and either crumbling it up or burning it. Subconsciously you are doing away with your problem,
I agree that this is not going to solve it, but mentally we feel more lifted by this mere act.
No one likes a worrier, so don't turn into one. Change that perspective of Mums are just worriers', it would very sad if this was your children's lasting impression of you. Life is too short to be in a constant state of battle and our children stay children for even a shorter amount of time. Release your fears, troubles and problems, what was a problem yesterday will definitely be solved tomorrow. Don't worry, get happy.