Got it right... fourth time around
Differences in parenting your eldest to your youngest
Recently I’ve been thinking I’ve gotten great at this parenting thing. You might roll your eyes at my sudden false bravado. Maybe she’s been out in the sun too long, you query. But in all honesty dear readers, I as a parent, FEEL, that I am a more accomplished, calmer, happier parent now than I was say fourteen years ago.
If I rewind back to that perfect spring day when my oldest entered our lives, aghast with happy tears we could only look on in pride at our perfection. In that tiny minuscule moment I was exuberantly happy, then my thoughts got the better of me. Rational and irrational queries flitted through my head, was she cold, is she hungry, would my milk be enough for her, did the nurse accidentally squeeze her too hard, is that baby cap on right, is she breathing ..... will I turn out to be a deadbeat parent??? Okay so you get my point. I am normally a calm and rational person, but the introduction of this other individual that I created caused tsunami sized waves of panic. But you might say, this parenting is a two manned operation, give the father some responsibility, but I was a new mother and I was irrational.. I vehemently felt that I was the only one who could look after my child the best.. i was the only one who would save her from monsters and dragons!
Any father to be or current fathers, I am sure, will meet or have met that “crazy, screaming mother of “MY CHILD” person. Sorry fathers to be, it will happen to you, breathe deeply and be calm whatever you do. I have demanded that my husband come home to take us to a specialist because I thought I saw a spot on my beautiful baby’s unblemished skin.. his years of medical teaching all “tsked” away, my husband, though being medically knowledgeable himself, wouldn’t do I needed a SPECIALIST!
Yes I must say the first few years of my oldest child’s life were very difficult.. probably induced by me. I just couldn’t relax. Was she watching the right programmes of T.V?.. at three months I mulled if I started reading to her, would the chances of her joining Mensa be heightened, at six I made every imaginable baby recommended dish in the book, till she found her favourite.. plain old tomato soup. I never entertained the thought of having a nanny, I was her sole carer and there were no ifs or buts or why nots! But suddenly everything changed one day,... we had another child. This wondrous baby boy made everything right in my world. Maybe edged on by his mellow personality, I suddenly realised that I could actually enjoy this parenting diabolical fiasco I had gotten myself into.
Babies are resilient, give them the basics and they will be okay. They don’t need to be watched like a hawk and I wasn’t a bad mother if I got someone to help me. Oh the joy, the bliss, the sweet cuddles, the inviting milky baby smells, this was pure unadulterated happiness in the bucket loads. I loved being a mother.
Though maybe a bit too much for we warmly welcomed baby three and four and those two sweet girls completed our noisy and colourful family of six. Of course there are days where I just scream orders from sunset to sundown. Any random onlooker might go running in terror. But in actuality this is how our family works, if the youngest suddenly tumbles we don’t have her rushed off in ambulance for a plaster, or if another threatens to pack a bag and leave the family over a tiff about the last cookie eaten, I don’t stress that my mothering is not creating happy individuals, infact someone will pack the bag for them and cry at their departure, even though it’s only to the front gate and back.
These are indeed the best years of my life: they are full of responsibility, there are many sleepless nights over whether I have made the right decisions with regards to my children. My house is in a constant upheaval, meal times are noisy and argumentative but punctuated with squeals of laughter. My children might not have coordinated socks in the morning. But they are happy and they are also happy to have a mother who enjoys what she does. Enjoy your children, enjoy your motherhood, the small things will always sort themselves out. You can and you will get it right!!!