FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.. WE MUST PARENT!
Parenting mistakes, I’ve definitely had a few. The treacherous warfare of parenting can just be termed, some days in my house, as just that “warfare”. From morning to night I am constantly warring with the children to clean their rooms, to stop fighting, to eat their meals… etc etc. As this hard slog of constant correcting and disciplining continues on my part, being human, I eventually crack and parenting mistakes do occur. Rather than adhere to the gentle reminders in every parenting book in print, I will scream at the top of my lungs at a disobedient child, with every sentence punctuated with a threat and rather than explore the reasons why a wavering child doesn’t want to do something, use force when necessary. “They have to play tennis whether they like it or NOT”, is my motto some days, followed by the “They don’t know how lucky they are, these children of today, in my day and time.. BLAH BLAH BLAH”. Yes unfortunately these are not my most proud moments in parenting, but they have happened and ..I admit I am wrong.
Of course we all have our small instances where we deviate from the “good as gold” path of parenting, this is acceptable. But are we aware of certain parenting mistakes that we are committing that we do not realise. For example we do everything for our children from packing their lunchboxes to in some cases finding out their homework because they forgot .... is this the right parenting tactic?. Our constant mollycoddling will definitely help the child in the short run, but how will they cope for themselves in the future? Here are a few other not so prominent parenting mistakes that we tend to make:
Worshipping our children
As parents, our children are our lives. Our happiness is interwoven inextricably with their happiness. If we go on family trips, our first thoughts are where would the children like to go? Going out for dinner, we tend to visit child friendly places. We live, earn, save for the betterment of our children. This is good parenting, but in some households, the child is put on a pedestal. Much is given to the child and much is expected from them. A child yearns to be loved, rather than worshipped. By making the child the centre of our universe we also tend to ignore other relationships, spousal relationships, childless friends etc are all forgotten.
Faultless Children
Another common, but not so obvious parenting mistake is to not accept the fact that our children are blameless. Children are still work in progress, criticism from teachers and other educators are to help the child be the best. But if we are unable to accept that we are doing more harm than good. Yes it is difficult to hear another adult criticising your child, but remember they have the best interest of your child at heart.
Missing the wonder of childhood
The other day in my tiny pristine office, which I call my refuge, I found my newly painted walls scribbled with smiley faces and a sweet message of “I love you Mum” written in a heart. Rather than go ballistic, it stopped me in my tracks for I realised that someday there won’t be these scribbled I love yous, or tiny slippers sitting next to my shoes or the odd teddy bear snuggled in our bed. The early years of parenting can be long monotonous and draining to both body and soul. But they are the extra special years where you can sing “row row row your boat” and get thanked with sweet kisses and warm hugs where giggling over steaming cups of hot chocolate on cold rainy nights is a must and discussing the intricate plots of Tintin leaves many an odd hour occupied. These are the glory days.
Raising the child we want and not the one we have
Children come in all shapes, sizes and temperaments. They are wondrous creatures each different in capabilities and talents. As parents we want them to be the best, excel in their studies and competitively win every sporting event. But pursuing that perfect child sometimes makes us forget about the child we have. Appreciate them for their uniqueness this is what makes them extra special.