Peer Power Pressure
We had an incident with our six year. Over the last few months, despite having a full schedule of hectic activities from swimming to gymnastics and also eating quite healthily since it is something we commit to as a family, she has been gaining weight. You might say, she is just a baby and it’s all tubby baby fat that will melt away, but the sudden weight gain was a mystery to us. It seemed irrational to us since our diet is quite contained with a few indulges over the weekend, and we thought as parents we were doing an injustice to her and maybe our lifestyle might needed to be changed, for if we continued like this, we might be causing her more harm than good. One day she came home with her lunchbox untouched, and considering she is a good eater, I was quite alarmed to think she had gone without food the whole day. Then the truth unfolded. To appease her friends so that they do not go home with untouched lunchboxes and get scolded by their mothers, she had been finishing her friends lunches. She had wanted to keep the friendship going, it was not an act of bullying, but merely when they had asked she had felt that she couldn’t say no. This was the power of peer pressure.
Of course, our little incident was a harmless innocent one. But to her it had been a real problem, she had strongly felt that saying no, even though doing it had caused her great discomfort, was worse than displeasing her friends. There have been many a research article done on the power of peer pressure, it can ether lift us up, or on the downside when exposed to the “wrong” crowd lead us into a spiralling descent. As our children enter school we are always cautious about the circle of friends that will envelop them. When it comes to relationships, children are greatly influenced by those closest to them. From carrying the same brand school bag as their friends to taking part in the same sports or dressing alike as fledgling teenagers, children quickly enter the bond of friendship which is sown together tightly with the unbreakable threads of peer pressure. It affects their way of thinking, their self-esteem, and the decisions that they make. Of course, despite everyone being their own person, research done by specialists find that children are more affected by their environment than you think.
“You’re The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With”
This phrase has been coined by motivational speaker Jim Rohn, which highlights the fact that the people who you surround yourself with also have control in your own success or losses. This rule applies to both children as well as adults, for our friends help us to motivate ourselves in a particular lifestyle. A child will want to join a new sports club if all their friends are doing it, whilst you also gravitate towards families that hold the same morals as values as your family and feel motivated in this mutual solace, both personally and professionally.
Peer pressure does not necessarily have to have the “bad” connotation it might have acquired over the years. But if you feel like your children might be influenced by “unwelcomed” peer pressure, here are somethings to look out for.
1. Peer pressure does not always have to be in the form of a “person” reduce the amount of time your children are exposed to the going ons of the internet and the world wide web. Children’s language, modes of behaviour even down to how they style their hair or dress are influenced by all the latest trends. Certain things need to be exposed to children at the right age.
2. Make sure you keep an open dialogue with your children all the time. It is only through this way you can gauge the influences they are being exposed to. If you feel that something is bad, for example if their language becomes suddenly uncouth, do not necessarily make your child stop being friends with whoever is influencing them. Explain to your child that this is not behaviour that we perpetuate in our own family and advise them that they can still be friends but remember to stay true to their own values. In such a way your child will gradually on their own break the relationship, as they start to feel incompatible as friends.
3. Share your family values. Children learn from their parents. It’s important to let your child know how you feel about stealing, cheating, bullying, and more. When a child knows something is wrong, they will think twice before agreeing to do it.
4. Always build up your child’s self confidence, by praising them constantly on their achievements. A child who feels good about themselves and are secure within themselves rarely falls victim to negative peer pressure.
The power of peer pressure is strong and vibrant. When it is positive peer pressure this is generally welcomed but negative peer pressure can destroy an otherwise perfect child. Listen to your children, watch them carefully, you as the parent are best to realise when something is wrong.