THE CHANGING FACES OF MOTHERHOOD

I realised as a mother, there was no going back to an involved corporate lifestyle

Observing little children at play, it’s quite evident to see the clear demarcation in roles assumed. Girls are always aspiring nurturers whilst the boys go out to save the world. The girls quite smugly put on their aprons and play house, or adorn their Princess hats and adopt the damsel in distress role, waiting for their Princes to save them, both physically and figuratively and … eventually provide them with a much sought after fairy tale life. Thus from the moment they are toddlers, boys and girls are inadvertently groomed. Little girls grow up to be mothers whilst little boys grow up to be what they want… fatherhood is optional.

As women, we are born nurturers and thus being physically equipped to contribute towards society, we are strongly encouraged to commit. However career driven, marriage averse we tend to be, all women have brooding moments, the unexplainable desire to enter that phase in our lives termed as “motherhood”. As a little girl, I never grew up with notions of being a mother. Before I knew it I was happily married and pining away for the pitter patter of tiny feet in our household. And when she did appear, it literally had a tsunami effect on me, turning my whole world upside down and inside out.

Those early years of motherhood were simply magical. With the addition of another baby, I wallowed in a sea of dirty nappies, milky wipe cloths and just baby softness at every touch. I was purring like a mother cat at the simplicity and extreme joy felt during this phase in my life. They were my end all and I was theirs. Forgotten were career aspirations, skills acquired and financial highs achieved. I just wanted to be with my children, cooking meals, doing laundry and tucking them into bed at night, after a long day spent doing just what babies wanted to do. As my children grew and of course got bigger, I suddenly realised that I myself had grown in other ways, rather than only my waist size.

My wants and desires had taken another twist in this funny journey called life. No,

I still wanted to be a mother and be there for them completely, but a part of me that had been dormant, being lulled into sleep by baby lullabies had suddenly woken up. I wanted my life to include a part where I was able to pursue my aspirations and feel contented, without the children or the family being involved. I needed something a bit more challenging than folding napkins into perfect squares. I realised as a mother, there was no going back to an involved corporate lifestyle, but a part of me craved for a mix of adult company coupled with personal achievements.

This sudden selfish desire, as some might call it, didn’t make me a bad mother. I was not abandoning my children, they were still my first and foremost priority, but for my own personal satisfaction and mental contentment, I needed to pursue other challenges. Of course the most obvious observation you will find is that you discover once again the new happier you. The general conclusion is that a stay at home mother is encased in a life of luxurious free time and she should be quite content pinning the hours away with her children. But every stay at home mother knows that this is far from the truth. In getting a multitude of tasks assigned to us, we are constantly slogging away on the hamster wheel, trying to get our family through another day. Our wants and needs suppressed, we lull our senses into a dense fog of disenchantment. We lose our vibrancy, our spontaneous happiness, our lust for life, therefore work or other involvements without the family, will reel us back into the living. Of course it goes without saying that a much more contented “you” will result in a more happier mother for the children. We are vibrant, multifaceted individuals, who can deal with a sick child, leaky toilet, forgotten class play, impending dinner party etc all in one day with a smile.

Therefore if you are dabbling with the idea of going back to work, or starting your own project or even doing a simple thing like taking a class, I say go for it. Your family will not fall apart, your children will not be abandoned and turn into delinquents. For as mothers, we will always be there, rain or shine, but just as we look after our families, do not forget to look after ourselves.

Your family will appreciate you more for it!