THE JOYS AND SORROWS OF ISOLATION

I must confess that at first as the curfew and lockdown began, I felt like a beleaguered princess locked up in a tower much against her will. I resented it deeply; as I was used to a busy programme which meant being up and about most of the time. The days seemed long and unending, with only one daughter at home, my dogs and staff. But as time went on, I settled into a set routine and got used to it. All my life I have been an early riser, my late father having instilled in me that the brain works best early in the morning. He rose at 4am and did most of his writing and research at that time. With the lockdown, I sleep till later on,call out to my two dogs, saying ‘come on girls time to wake up and let them out for their morning ablutions. They take up positions at night like sentries, guarding the entry points to my room, one near the door, the other by the window. I say my prayers, do some exercises and after my bath, sit outside in my little walled garden reading with my two best friends my dogs by my side till lunchtime. The evenings go faster, with cooking dinner, more reading,doing my cookery blog and walking up and down.

The lockdown has given me more time to recollect the good times, my mind takes voyages back in time to my protected childhood, my parents, the infinitely more genteel time as it was then, the security that was ours, the trips abroad which my parents took us on, from which I learned so much, gained so much knowledge about history, the arts, cultures of other lands,ballet, the opera, theatre. My mind seems to linger more now on all these experiences, which I may not have appreciated so much at the time. Living in England for awhile, which I count among the happiest time of my life, which is why I love England so much. It’s a home away from home to me. English people may not gush and may be slower at making friends, but once they do, they are your friends for life. When I was widowed many of them invited me to stay as long as I wanted.

At home, with my best friends my two dogs at my side wherever I am, in bed, sitting outside or at the computer, I am filled with a deep sense of humility at the innate kindness of people. Family, friends, acquaintances, my daughter’s friends, many of whom I have never done anything for,have overwhelmed me with their continuing acts of thoughtfulness and kindess. Even those I hardly know, have gone out of their way to shower me with calls , to ask if I need anything,and with goodies which they felt would cheer me up. An Indian neighbour, who is stuck in the US where she went to see her son, calls me from there to inquire and gets her husband to send me things she feels will cheer me up. Another friend of my daughters sent me home prepared curry powder, far superior to what we buy, which again brought back nostalgic memories of childhood and youth as this was what we used then.. It certainly showed me that for those who are nasty and unkind, there are ten times more who are kind. I have more time to read, cook, always my favourite hobbies. I have never indulged in time consuming pursuits outside home. My maid and her three children stay with me, I enjoy hearing them play,laugh, teasing them, speaking to them in English,to get them to learn the language which will take them further in life. I’m glad that they are here with me, for ifi n their hometown it may have been difficult for the mother to find food for them. My son has always been a good cook ever since his student days at Aberdeen University,my granddaughter too has fortunately inherited this talent. It has been a great joy that the lockdown has made my two daughters start cooking, they trade recipes with me which is great fun. The delivery service by Supermarkets like Food City and the various vendors who come round are also a great boon. I think I will continue this mode of buying my needs even after the lockdown. We must always remember that these people helped us at our time of need.

This time on my own also reminded me of the invisible boundaries and emotional fences we set up that allow no trespassers. I thought about the fact that the world is divided into two groups,not as most people think the haves and the have nots, but the powerful and the powerless. So, in order to help one, you have to be the other. Time given to us through the lockdown,is I guess a way that life has of testing us, a way of challenging us,a way of forcing us to examine our priorities and make appropriate choices. One gets used to loneliness which becomes constant,memories are one’s closest companions and as darkness falls, it becomes a haven for fantasies. This is a time when every circumstance tests the fragility of life and every waking thought centres on its preservation. I have realised that every act we commit, whether trivial or unimportant, has its inevitable consequences. It is somewhat like throwing a pebble into a pool and watching its ripples spread out. The lockdown has taught me to treasure the times on my own, to welcome the peace, the solitude and the quiet. There is undoubtedly a power beyond our comprehension in whose hands our destinies lie. We must accept that and hope and pray that God Almighty, the world’s greatest healer,will lead us out of this crisis and free the world, particularly countries like ours out of this dark tunnel into a world free of this virus into a life of good health, light, peace and joy for all citizens.