Guilty pleasures

In our monthly series Netflix and Chill, Asantha Jayaweera looks at the best-worst things on offer

There are some things in life that are so bad, they come full circle, transcend conventional wisdom, and actually become good. For example:pressing on a bruise, eating Woodapple cream, analysing Asanka Gurusinha’s batting technique, to name but a few. Films are no exception, and everybody has certain guilty pleasures they don’t want to admit to watching (no, not that kind, think more The Bachelor or K Drama ‘Heirs’). So without further ado, suspend your disbelief and dive into some of the bestworst things on Netflix right now.

Sharkna do

Any film where Tara Reid is the mostaccomplished actor, should set off alarm bells. This 2013 SyFy channel original, is devoid of plot, story, script or indeed decent special effects. In fact, it’s not even really B-movie kitsch (there aren’t enough letters in the alphabet to sum this up). It is however an absolute behemoth of a modern cult film, that has spawned three sequels (so far) and massive amounts of buzz on social media. It is SO bad that I am convinced the cast and crew worked out their (already questionable) careers wouldn’t survive if they played it seriously. Instead, what is born is an immensely fun film that is the epitome of ‘so bad it’s good’. Spend a hugely fun evening watching this with a bunch of friends. Killer beasts. Freakish weather conditions. Lines such as “They took my grandfather…..that’s why I really hate sharks”. Enough said.

Green Lantern

Ok, let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way, <gasp>Ben Affleck wasn’t actually that bad in this. However, whilst Batfleck seems to have found his place in Wayne Manor, he was woefully miscast as blind attorney Matt Murdoch in this 2003 comic offering.It gave us a weird blend of gritty reality and OTT (Colin Farrell’s wonderfully psychotic Bullseye looks like he has escaped from Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin). This tonal dichotomy, twinned with Affleck’s inexplicable tight leather suit that looked like it had been stolen from a BDSM convention (Jennifer Garner’s Elektra isn’t much better), and some ropey writing, led to this film getting a lot of hate. Oh, and Nickelback did the soundtrack. Yep, Nickelback, who were dated even in the early noughties. Jon Favreau and Michael Clarke Duncan do well to elevate their parts, but the best way to enjoy this is to sit back and watch a party-era Colin Farrell (modern sober Colin Farrell is SO much less interesting) have great fun over-acting as a crazy Irishman (a stretch for him I know). Not Ben’s finest acting turn, but he does have a knack of playing decent superheroes in pretty awful films (yes, I’m looking at you Dawn of Justice). In fact to quote Jay and Silent Bob “Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms yo!”.

There aren’t yet the appropriate words in any of our Earthlanguages to adequately describe how crazy but awesome this Kung-Fu-NaziFighting-Time-Travelling- CopAction short-film is. It really defies explanation. It is selfaware, reverential and a true homage to 80s action & Police thrillers. It almost didn’t make the list because it spoofs its subject matter so perfectly it may just be plain ‘good’ rather than ‘so bad it’s good’. Yes, it’s esoteric and yes, it’s a bit hipster, but it makes you feel so damn cool. Just watch it, and you’ll feel more hip than if you were drinking artisan coffee down Park Street Mews whilst waxing your eccentric facial hair, getting a tattoo of a Swedish Alt-Rock band, and varnishing your vintage bassoon- case.

Darede vil Under Siege

All-action, ethnically non- specific hero Steven Seagal plays a cook, whose Aircraft Carrier gets taken over by Tommy Lee Jones’ band of bloodthirsty mercenaries, with help from the ship’s villainous XO Gary Busey. Little do they know that Seagal is not only an excellent chef, but (conveniently) also a highly decorated Navy S.E.A.L.! He co- opts a bunch of non- combatant sailors and a Playboy bunny (Erica Eleniak) into re-taking the ship and saving the day; killing bad- guys with knives, pipes, and even a microwave along the way. It is wonderfully 80s, and excels not least because for once in Busey’s rather mental career, he may not be the most unhinged actor on- screen (TLJ in scenery- chewing form runs him a close second). Everything that is good about bonkers 80/90s action films crammed into 103 glorious minutes.

What all of the above show us is that creatively, even though other people may not like your concept, there will always be someone who does. So, the take-home message is if you’re ever feeling embarrassed to share ideas at work, school or in a meeting this week…..just remember, in the pitch-meeting for Sharknado, someone once said “Let’s make a film, about sharks….. in a tornado”.

Honourable mentions: Elektra, GI Joe, The Expendables, Tomb Raider, The Covenant.