You and I may not be affected, but it’s time to speak out

If you are reading this, then you probably did not get married at 12. Nor will you agree to allowing your daughter to be married off at 12. The Muslim Marriage and Divorce Act in Sri Lanka, which currently does not set a minimum age of marriage for Muslim women and girls, does not apply to women like you and me and as far as we are concerned is an issue that is far removed from our lives. However, our silence will have an impact on the lives of those young girls who are not able to voice their opinions and will be married off at 12, 13 or 14 -- girls who would rather spend a few more years of their lives having a childhood and not weighed down by the responsibilities of marriage.

Islam is a religion that has always recognized the rights of the child. Parents are responsible for their children and would see arranging marriages for their children as an aspect of carrying out that responsibility. However, what is in question with this Act as it currently stands is the age at which parents feel their daughters should be married. I suppose, the reasoning for the age allowed for in this Act is that the Prophet (PBUH) married one very young girl who was a child when the marriage was arranged, although there is some doubt as to how old Ayesha really was when they started living together. In itself this was not unusual for societies when marriages were arranged to form alliances between families and served a greater purpose within a society than it does now with the concept of the nuclear family. In fact, arranged marriages between children were not restricted to the Arabs or Muslims alone, and was common practice in most parts of the world. However, in 21st century Sri Lanka it is only the Muslim community that still thinks it appropriate that a 12- year- old girl, can be legally married.

When parents arrange a marriage for their 12-year-old daughter they must think they are carrying out the responsibilities associated with good parenting in the Islamic sense. However, to carry this out according to Islam they will have to get their daughter’s consent. Before they give up their responsibility of parenting they must be sure that their daughter is willing and ready to take on the responsibility of parenting, herself. This in addition to being a suitable companion to her husband who in turn will have to be a suitable companion to her. However, this does not seem to be the case for most of the young girls who are married off at 12. Very little thought is given to compatibility as parents seem to be motivated by factors other than the wellbeing of their daughters.

As parents, before we arrange marriages for our daughters we would want to make sure they have the skills they need to be responsi- ble wives, mothers and citizens. We extend the time we spend taking care of our daughters and recognize that while puberty brings on physical changes that change the child’s body into that of a woman, it is also a time when she is struggling to deal with all the physical and emotional changes that are a result of hormonal upheaval. We also believe that she has a right to complete her education at school and perhaps beyond. We think that by doing this our daughters will understand not just what they should contribute to a marriage but also what is within their rights to expect.

Even if we sit back in the comfort of our homes and think that these girls have little option because their parents are not widely educated or trapped in poverty, we must give these young girls a voice. And until that happens, we must be the voice. Raising the age at which a Muslim girl can be legally married is the first step to giving these girls the right to a better life. Speak up for the girls and remind your fathers, brothers, husbands and sons of what you were like at 12, so that they can add their voice to yours.

The differences between these girls and all of us reading this article may be huge, but we do have something in common. Like them we are Muslim and we are women. Sehaam Hussein-Moheed Auckland, New Zealand