A Letter to you from…

For the dreamers,

When you’ve seen the worst in life, the only way from there is forward. Everything falls in to place when you start winning. Until that, it’s chaos. Dealing with the disappointments, rejections, difficulties and failure creates you.

For the dreamers I say this, focus on the target and keep going.

It was the year 1990; I was 20 and had just one big dream. It was everything in my life and was a huge part of me. I worked hard towards my goal and I finally got to play for the Sri Lankan team in a test match against India. I was the 7th batsman. I was happy and excited. But my nervousness was overtaking me. My hands were shaking and I was sweating all over, I didn’t know how I was going to fare. My thoughts were in a whirlwind and I was diving in the storm of thoughts. I was sitting on the bench while the vision is still a blur in my head when I was called up to bat.

It was my only opportunity to serve my country. As my heart rate became fast I reached the field. It was my inning. I was sweating and very nervous, but I told myself I could do it. SLV Raju was the bowler and he was one of the best, I saw the ball coming towards me, and all I wanted at that moment was to score well and stay in the team. I want my position in this team for the greater good; I want my dream to come true. I was thinking all of this and I hit the first stroke as a Sri Lankan team player.

You bet I did it.

No. No score for the stroke. When it came to the Second inning I was in pins. It was Kapil Dev who was bowling. I couldn’t disappoint the selectors or I’m out for good. I could see that all eyes were on me, judgemental and in doubt. “No” I said to myself. I’m not letting this opportunity go. I buckled up. This was a tricky ball; I didn’t know where it was heading. I gave my best shot even though I was nauseous and my brain dysfunctional.

I was kicked out of the team. My leg got in the way and I couldn’t score because it was an LBW.

In the whole test series I couldn’t score more than 1 point. I was an utter failure. My whole childhood spent on working towards this goal and in seconds I lost it. It felt like water slipping through my fingers.

It was gone. Done. Was it really over? I started practising harder, sleepless nights of nightmares of the trauma I faced in my first match. Endless planning on how to approach my dream, I was at it again. I didn’t give up. How can I? It was “my” dream and “my” life. It was what would determine my entire future.

After 20 months I got an opportunity again! I was good with my practise scores, I was offered a spot in the team and this time I was going to break a leg. I was nervous and scared. Flashbacks of the first match came flowing back to me. But I summed up my courage to face this fresh chance. I gave my best shot.

I failed. I was out of the team. Inside me, I had a voice which told me “go on and try again”. So I tried.

After 17 months of hard work, I got another opportunity to get in to the team. This was my third shot. You could say I had experience and I was quite good at this now. Yes, I thought so too. But I wasn’t mentally ready for the pressure. Yet, I wanted this. This was something I wanted as much as I needed to breathe.

I don’t really know what happened. But I failed again. Couldn’t score and was out of the team.

It was time to give up and move on. Is there a time to give up and move on?? Will you give up on your dream if each and every waking moment you think of your passion? I didn’t want to give up. I guess it was three years of trying now, and I needed to sit and think.

So I sat down, took many days to think. I kept contemplating as to why I failed. As days passed I became comfortable with who I was and I accepted that I failed three times. And I was also happy that I never gave up for three years. I started to realise where and why I went wrong. I started meditating getting ready for the challenges I had to face. Little by little got rid of the traumas of the first three matches and got a stable mentality to face a match.

I started improving my batting techniques at my best. Observing international matches and learning and analysing the classy and best techniques to use. I felt happy and much fulfilled. More than anything I was satisfied and confident.

After three years of waiting. I got selected to play as a Sri Lankan team player.

This time, I was all ears. I wasn’t sweating. I knew I put in my best and quality work. I was patient enough to wait and I knew I mastered this fine art.

I succeeded.

After six years of patience and hard work. I recorded 16 centuries, 6 double centuries and over 5000 test scores. I was lucky to even Captain and coach the Sri Lankan team during the coming years after that.

I won’t tell you it was a cakewalk. It definitely was the most tragic period of my life. But after all I succeeded.

For the dreamers, don’t lose sight of your dream and goal. Keep at it. You definitely deserve the best. But it requires the hard work. Because life ain’t ready to hand you over success in a gold platter. It will kick you in the bottom and make you cry for over 6 years but when you get your work done, most of all when you are confident enough and think you are worthy enough for the position,

You will succeed.

Yours, Mavan Atapattu Written by Devuni

Goonewardene (devuni@gmail.com)