Dear Child,

“The most important thing I’ve accomplished, other than building the compiler, is training young people. They come to me, you know, and say, ‘Do you think we can do this?’ I say ‘Try it’ and I back them up”

I will tell you a story of mine.

My mother, Mary Campbell Van Horne, had been very interested in math as a young woman, but hadn’t been able to study anything beyond geometry because it wasn’t considered proper for a lady at the time. She made sure to encourage me in my interests and not to limit me based me being a girl.

My father, Walter Fletcher Murray, wanted all of his children to be self-sufficient and made sure me and my sister had the same education and opportunities as my brother. He strived to make our lives better even though getting an education as a woman was unusual for the early 20th century.

I grew up in an academic atmosphere and my parents made sure I had access to all the books I wanted, and they did everything they possibly could to support my curious nature.

When I was seven, my mother left me unattended for a little while. I decided that I wanted to figure out how clocks worked, out of boredom and curiosity. To find the answer, I took apart every single alarm clock in the house! ( Seven clocks to be exact) When my mother found out, instead of scolding me, she limited me to taking apart only one alarm clock at a time.

It is very important that you surround yourself with people who encourage you to be yourself. For some of us, we’re lucky enough to have supportive and understanding parents and friends. But like you, many struggle in life due to negative criticism and not enough support.

I will tell you of an incident where I didn’t take no for an answer. It was in November 1941. Following Japan’s attack on Pearl, I tried to join the military. I was refused, because I was underweight. It was disappointing. It’s plausibly similar to your situation.

But, I wanted to try again. In December 1943, my then current job at Vassar College agreed to give me temporary leave. I then joined the Naval Reserve after applying successfully for a waiver on my weight. I got in. If I gave up after the first attempt and the noise around me, it wouldn’t have been possible. However, on a side note, if you want to join the military and was refused permission for anything, just apply for a waiver – funnily, there were waivers for most things!

I trained at the Women’s Midshipman School in Northampton, Massachusetts and at the age of 37 I lived in a room with three much younger recruits.

Training was intentionally very demanding; recruits were expected to deal with harsh conditions and pressure situations. But I enjoyed the experience enormously. I went on to achieve the highest training rank – battalion commander – and graduated first in our class in June 1944.

I refused to take ‘ no’ for an answer.

Listen, life was not always easy for me. In 1949, shortly after becoming Senior Mathemat i c i a n at J. Presper Eckert and John Mauchly’s computing company, I was arrested in Philadelphia for drunk and disorderly conduct. After years of pushing myself hard for results, in the late 1940s and early 1950s I ended up pushing myself into depression, alcoholism, and suicide threats.

If it’s not an unsupportive family and peer group, there will always be another problem we face. It may not be just one issue, there will be years of grapple before you achieve your dream. You also need to remember that life will nonetheless have ups and down.

After a month of a happy marriage, you may file a divorce. One of your loved ones, may suddenly pass away. Life is much unexpected my dear child. But never back down from a fight which means the world to you.

In the end, what you will remain with is the happiness of knowing that you lived the life you wanted to. Never agreeing to anything less than what you deserve or want in life.

I will always be there for you. Just read my letter when you feel down. Love, Grace.