The house is not a home without you
It is now more than five years and one month since you departed from our midst on the peaceful early morn of July 1, 2018. You were alright the previous evening except for a mild discomfort of the stomach. I still remember the activities of the previous day. We got up together around 5 a,m. and you went to the kitchen and started making tea. I, as usual, opened the windows and put on the TV to listen to pirith and ‘Ahi passiko’ Dhamma desana.
We had planned to do some heavy work in the garden during the day with our former domestic aide Weerasekera and his wife Sriyani along with a few men to help.
After the work was over by 4.30 p.m. you suggested we consult a doctor due to your stomach being swollen due to a hernia and accordingly we went to the doctor’s. He was not there but his assistant having examined you, suggested you get admitted the following day to remove the fluid and all arrangements were made.
That night I awoke around midnight and I instinctively felt you were waiting for me to wake up. You asked me to chant pirith which we had usually been doing as we went to bed. I was perplexed as to why you would make such a request but chanted all the three suttas Maha Mangale, Rathana and Karaneeya metta suttaraya by memory. It seemed that when I was fast asleep you had been in pain and our daughter Sriyani had come and massaged some medicinal oil. Things seemed to ease after that.
When I woke around 4 a.m, I noticed your breathing was different – a ‘tic tic’ sound accompanied your breathing. I called our neighbour who came immediately to drive you to the hospital but alas, you left me.
I should have tried to invoke and influence your ‘chutieitta’ on some kusala karma which you had performed in your lifetime. We had performed a large number of kusala karma including pilgrimages to Dambadiva, sangeeka dhana etc. The Pali word chutieitta is the last consciousness of the dying person’s present life and is the one directly associated with rebirth. Chutieitta links the present life to the subsequent birth by pattisandi vinnaya, the rebirth consciousness.
I remember you telling me that you would like to be born as a male in your next birth. I strongly believe you must have been born as a son to some fortunate parents and must be around four years old now.
You always told me you wanted to pass away before me as you did not know what should be done if I happened to die before you. I never responded to this query and you departed so suddenly. Life is miserable without your company. Having married in 1965, we lived together for 53 long years. I cannot stop thinking of you especially when alone at home. The house is not a home without you.
My beloved Piyaseelie, you have been a good daughter to your parents, a good sister to your brother and sisters, a good person to your neighbours and relatives, a good mother to your daughter and a very good wife to me. I hope you will be a good human being to all living beings in the universe.