An epitome of gentle goodness, she was snatched away from us too soon
My first cousin, Sunethra whom I knew from the day she was born, was a gentle and beautiful angel amidst us. She spread her love, compassion and generosity, towards all those who came within her purview, regardless of class, caste, creed, ethnicity, nationality etc. She bestowed her love and kindness with no fuss, fanfare or any expectation in return.
Sunethra was a fragrant blossom of pure goodness, that was snatched away from us, too quickly and with no warning. A few days prior to her death, in her own inimitable way she hosted a dinner party together with her husband, to celebrate the birthdays of both her daughter and sister-in-law. A large group of friends and relatives gathered in their beautiful home and garden and enjoyed their wonderful hospitality. Sunethra mingled amidst the gathering making sure that everyone was well cared for. After the delightful evening everyone bade good bye and left.
Just three days later, Sunethra passed away in the intensive care unit of a Colombo hospital, leaving all those who knew her and those who attended the party in total shock. Almost a thousand people gathered at Kanatta for her funeral, which was held soon afterwards, (in keeping with her wishes). It gave people barely enough time to comprehend what had happened, but several family members from Australia and the UK dropped everything and took the first available flight to Sri Lanka and just made it in time for the funeral.
It was an intensely sad irony that those very same people who only a few days previously enjoyed the double birthday celebration, gathered in the very same home and beautiful garden to partake of the traditional meal following the funeral. It was a heart wrenching reminder of Sunethra’s absence and the ever present and stark reality of death, that looms over all of us.
I could not bring myself to write an appreciation immediately following Sunethra’s death. It has taken me one year to bring myself to put thoughts into words.
As mentioned, I knew Sunethra all her life. She and her mother spent the first few months after her birth at my parents’ home in Colombo, (within reach of postnatal services), as their own home was in Dambadeniya, on an estate. I was nine at the time and my brother and I spent many hours playing with the baby that we all adored. She was so delicate that we called her “Laa baba”.
Sunethra was the gentlest and most soft-spoken person I have ever known. Never, ever, have I heard her speak ill of anyone, express anger towards another or utter a harsh word. Sunethra practised Buddha’s words on Right Speech, in its entirety and was a shining example in a world where harsh words and profanities have become all too common.
Sunethra’s compassion was boundless. Her faithful domestic aide, Kanthi, who served her for more than three decades wept when she told me that Sunethra was a goddess and not an employer. Following Kanthi’s heart operation, Sunethra had slept beside her and cared for her through the night, as she would have for her own child. She did not delegate it to another. “Is there an employer who has cared for an employee in this way?” sobbed Kanthi. This indeed was Sunethra’s practice of compassion in its purest form – boundless and universal.
In Sunethra’s acts of generosity and kindness, she was ably assisted and supported by her husband, Dr. Preethi Wijegoonawardena, who himself may be regarded as an epitome of those same virtues. They were a remarkable couple, who during the COVID lockdown, used the doctor’s car pass to visit sick relatives and deliver cooked food, in addition to the medical care and medicines that Preethi gave free to many of his patients.
Sunethra was a devout follower of the Buddha. She practised the Dhamma in her daily life, quietly, serenely and without any fanfare. She observed the Buddha’s prescription of Dana, Seela and Bhavana, (generosity, virtue and meditation) meticulously. She never talked about what she did. She practised the Dhamma quietly and lived by example. She was a regular attendee at Ven. Olande Ananda’s meditation classes. There was a time, as a teenager, when she even wanted to be ordained as a Buddhist nun. Thus, from a young age, the desire to follow Buddhist virtues was an integral part of her life and formed the basis of her every action which was devoid of any trace of anger, resentment, greed or jealousy. Rather her thoughts were guided by kindness, forgiveness and gentleness and a total lack of expectation in return.
Apart from being a wonderful wife, mother, friend and relative,
Sunethra was gifted in the arts of home décor, gardening and Bonsai. She won many awards for her beautiful Bonsai creations, which required immense skill, artistic talent and infinite patience. Her Bonsais formed a part of her magnificent garden which she tended with loving care. Her beautifully designed home and garden blended harmoniously to form a wonderful space where she hosted both glittering dinner parties as well as great danas and all night pirith ceremonies.
For all those who knew Sunethra, her parting is a huge loss and personal shock. However, for Sunethra who understood the Buddha’s explanation of the inexorable law of anicca – impermanence, I dare say that this must indeed have been yet another life of virtue that she lived, in the inevitable cycle of samsara. Her son Indika, who flew from Australia just in time for the funeral, said to me at the funeral parlour, “this is anicca”. Her entire family, Preethi, Indika and Venya have been infused with this wisdom, which Sunethra knew all too well: her favourite pastime being listening to Dhamma talks.
No doubt her family is inspired by her exemplary life. They are so fortunate to have had her as their nearest family member. All of us who knew her are inspired by her life. We are privileged to have known and benefited from Sunethra’s great life of simplicity, generosity, virtue and wisdom, which touched the hearts of each and every one of us who knew her, in the most profound way.
May Sunethra attain the Supreme Bliss of Nibbana.