Bandula unveils master plan to save lives on nation’s highways
Lanka’s minister of theory Bandula Gunawardane who once theorised how a family of four could comfortably exist on 2500 bucks a month, with some spare cash left for entertainment, has spent his days following Sanath Nishantha’s fatal crash last month on the expressway, trying to theoretically figure how best such crashes could be avoided in the future.
In this noble and creditable endeavour, he has gone to extraordinary lengths and spared no public expense to achieve his objective of presenting a national policy and plan to save lives on the nation’s highways.
First, as he told the cabinet media briefing in the week following Sanath Nishantha’s crash, he had assembled a group of experts on expressways. Then he had marshalled experts from other institutions and ensured the presence of police personnel at the meeting.
Second, his impressive expert think-tank had discussed the focal issue in depth.
Third, from this seminar, they had drawn the following fascinating conclusions: a) That driving at fast speeds is a major cause of accidents on the expressway. b) The risk of meeting with an accident becomes greater when overtaking slower vehicles c) The failure to wear seat belts can
cause fatal injuries d) Driving under the influence of alcohol e) Failure to follow warnings on signboards f ) …and, other numerous reasons Fourth, having gained this invaluable information from his expert think-tank, he intends to:
1. Appoint a special advisory committee to advise and make recommendations to the above.
2. A minimum speed will be set though it has not been determined yet—perhaps another committee will be needed to decide what the minimum should be.
3. Gazette a new regime of laws to be enforced equally regardless of anyone’s rank, class or station in life. The police will fine all who violate these rules without fear or favour.
4. Rescue staff will be given special training how to unbuckle safety belts of accident victims.
On the issue of lightless highways, he said he had been informed that the trend on the world’s highways is to keep them blacked out. ‘I have been told they are not lit. Instead, reflector signs are provided’, Bandula said. ’Only the expressway from the airport to the capital is lit up.’
Perhaps to make this noble endeavour replete, it necessitates a ministerial flying visit with other MPs in the entourage—like the ‘inspection’ MP party that was aboard the port cruise in outer harbour to probe firsthand the state of the port by night—to New York, London, Frankfurt, Tokyo and other world’s hot spots to determine first hand what’s trending on the world’s highways.
But his master plan to play god as traffic cop on the nation’s highways, and serving the same soup with more cooks, reheated at the people’s expense for public consumption, fails to take account of the providential fall of a sparrow, the inexplicable quirk of fate that make drivers be seized of a satanic lust to recklessly speed to keep their destiny with death at the appointed hour. No matter the earthly hell fire promised as a deterrent by gazettes, it's best to stick fast to two old slogans, ‘Never drive fast’ and ‘Never drink and drive.’ And the chances are you’ll have enough time for reflex action to avoid accidents.
However admirable Bandula’s Good Samaritan quest to save lives on highways, did we really need his expert think tank to tell us that? And what is the progress of his ambitious plans? Still on the highway to nowhere.