Independent mother-in-law won’t admit to needing help

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law has a serious medical condition, and her health is rapidly deteriorating. Unfortunately, her failing health is not something she is willing to deal with.

My husband and I live in a different state. When we last visited, we were shocked at how bad things were. Bills were unpaid because she couldn’t remember to get to them. Garbage was piled up because she didn’t have the strength to drag the bags to the curb.

There are no other family members in the area who are willing to check up on her. The kindest thing would be to help her transition into an independent living facility and arrange for periodic in-home care. The problem is, most facilities have an age requirement, and my mother-in-law is only in her late 40s. How can I find out more?

Worried Daughter-in-Law

Dear Worried:

First search online for a support group or national organisation for your mother-in-law’s specific disability. And please do not assume that all of the facilities in your area are agerestricted. Ask. However, a better option might be a group home for disabled adults. You can search online or get a referral from Mum’s doctor, a local hospital or through a care manager.

Another possibility is to have an inhome health aide or visiting nurse come to Mum’s house to check on her. All of these choices depend on Mum’s finances and insurance coverage and what is available in her area. Call 2-1-1 for resources. You sound like a caring daughter-in- law, and we hope you can arrange this with Mum’s cooperation.

Noisy neighbours

Dear Annie: I am a 57-year-old disabled male who lives alone. My next-door neighbours moved in a year ago and act as if the area is their own private island. Every morning there are children screaming and hollering, dogs barking and adults yelling in their backyard. In the evening, they are joined by several friends and family members who drink and talk so loudly they may as well be shouting. This goes on every night until midnight and sometimes as late as 2am.

My major headache comes on the weekends. Each evening, they have music playing outside along with a backyard full of people. They give me those ‘‘don’t you dare say anything’’ looks as I walk into my tiny house. I’m fearful for my safety. I have called the police repeatedly, and they always promise to send a car out, but the noise never stops until the wee hours of the morning.

How can they be allowed to disturb all the houses in the immediate vicinity?

Rude Neighbours

Dear Neighbours:

Could you speak kindly to your neighbours and ask if they would keep the sound down after 10pm? Are there other neighbours who are equally disturbed by this racket? Would they speak to the neighbours with you or call the police every time this happens? Check your local area resources to see whether there is an organisation that can help.