Finding ‘fatherhood’ in unlikely places
A renowned artist devotes his life to his wife’s sister who suffers from Down Syndrome, writes Achara Ashayagachat
Being a father transcends bloodlines, biological ties and even the health conditions of the offspring, as renowned artist Sannarong Singhaseni has discovered. When Sannarong first dated his future wife at Silpakorn University in the 1970s, he often spent time with her younger sister, Samanjit Saengjak, a little girl with Down Syndrome.
Little did he realise the little girl with Down Syndrome would one day call him “dad”.
Sannarong, who turns 64 next month, is a household name in Thailand’s artistic and academic world. He is a core member of the well-known “White Group” and a respected painter.
Throughout his career, he worked as a civil servant, teaching at the College of Arts (under the Fine Arts Department) for 15 years and at the Fine Arts Division of the Faculty of Architecture at King Mongkut’s Institute of Technology Ladkrabang for 17 years.
Since his retirement three years ago, Sannarong has stayed active as a guest lecturer for master’s degree courses at several universities in Bangkok and is often invited to government meetings to share his profound artistic and cultural knowledge.
But behind Sannarong’s smile and gentle demeanor, the immaculately dressed artist juggles the extraordinary role of “father” to his sister-in-law, whom he raised as his own daughter.
The bond between Sannarong, his wife Thapthim Singhaseni (or Pao) and Ms Samanjit (Nong Jit) — who is now 46 years old — is unbreakable and grows stronger with each day. “It’s the three of us, always has been,” said Sannarong.
When Sannarong and Ms Thapthim were courting, she brought along Nong Jit, who is 16 years younger than her. Ms Thapthim, now a former senior executive of CIMB Bank in communications, said Sannarong never minded when little Nong Jit tagged along on dates.
“When there was just the two of us, we cared a lot about each other. We did everything together. But when we became a trio, we did everything times three, especially now that I’ve retired from work. We function as a family under one roof,” Sannarong said.
“We dread to think of when we, or Nong Jit, might not be around anymore. It’s just too painful,” he added.
Call it fate or destiny, but Ms Thapthim said her husband thinks Nong Jit could have been his biological child, only she was born too early. Nong Jit’s condition has never been an issue. Before the trio became a family, Sannarong had a lot to answer for with Ms Thapthim’s family, particularly her father, who is rather strict.
“When Pao introduced me to her parents, I still had long hair. My parents also asked for reassurance about getting married to the daughter of this well-mannered family which lived in a traditional-style house,” Sannarong said.
The two families come from the Bang Lamphu area of Bangkok and lived not far from each other.
“We often walked from my house on Chao Fah Road to Sanam Luang with Nong Jit, and when she got bored or tired she would ask Pi Kob [Sannarong] to lift her up,” said Ms Thaptim.
Thanks to Sannarong’s cool-headedness and Ms Thapthim’s care, Nong Jit, became part of the couple’s family.
“When my father was moving from Ayutthaya and building a new house in Bangkok, Nong Jit moved to stay with us and when [my father’s] home was completed she just didn’t want to go home,” said Ms Thapthim.
When Sannarong and Ms Thapthim were still working, they took turns caring for Nong Jit.
“Pao would come home later than me, so it was I who drove from Hua Ta Ke [close to where he lectured] back home for dinner every day. Nong Jit would stay with the maids under the supervision of Pao’s father. In recent years we haven’t had domestic helpers so we each have been taking care of Nong Jit,” said Sannarong.
There was one time he took her with him to the university and asked her to play in his office — her favourite activity is cutting coloured paper into small squares. Hours later, Nong Jit quietly walked into the seminar room while Sannarong was teaching and announced flatly, “I’m hungry, aren’t you?” “That was her usual lunch hour. Everyone in the room was smiling,” said the artist and teacher.
Then there was the time Sannarong let Nong Jit go to the restroom in a shopping mall by herself. He was worried about whether she could manage on her own, yet he waited patiently for her outside the women’s restroom.
Much to his relief, after a few moments of waiting, women leaving the restroom smiled at him and reassured him that she was doing fine.
At home, Nong Jit is a professed critic of Sannarong’s paintings who hands him a Coke as a prize when she feels his work is up to scratch. At other times, she repeatedly re-arranges piles of clothes that she has already folded over and over again.
“Nong Jit sleeps with us every night,” said Ms Thapthim, who has taken up quilt-making since her retirement from the bank.
Like all families, the Singhaseni family has had many hurdles they have had to cross together.
“There are times when Nong Jit just asks questions all the time while I’m preoccupied. She also keeps cutting paper onto the floor right after I have swept it.
“Pao is also engrossed in her sewing. Life can be hectic when we all see each other every day after retirement,” said Sannarong.
Ms Thapthim said quilting requires patience and perseverance — qualities that are helpful for all people living together under the same roof.
“It’s not a fairy tale but I do appreciate and thank him for loving my little sister and for being a housekeeper, a cook and our family guardian. I’m a fortunate wife,” said Ms Thapthim.
Nong Jit is on medication, some of which she will take the rest of her life, to maintain a chemical balance in her body and calm any agitation.
When she gets sick, the couple feels nervous and worried. But they can always rely on Nong Jit’s innocent words to cheer them up.
“We can check in at the Vichaiyut [hospital] resort,” Nong Jit said.
Because Nong Jit is already like their own flesh and blood, the couple has never felt the need to go through the legal process of adoption.
“We don’t want to look too far to the future. That can be emotionally draining. We just live each day as best we can. It’s the trio-balancing act that completes our life,” said Sannarong as he pats Nong Jit gently on her back. Sannarong said he is content with what he has. “I just hope I can keep working until my last breath, as my heroes Vincent van Gogh, Claude Monet, Paul Gauguin and Paul Cezanne did,” said Mr Sannarong.
To many people, Sannarong may come across as unconventional for taking in Nong Jit. But he has never been one to follow the crowd.
For example, he likes to dress neatly, which sets him apart from other painters who prefer to go with the flow, and tend to be disorganised and carefree. His studio and painting kit are clean and he feels that his neatness has not diluted his artistic expression.
“Our love for painting and drawing is the inner force; we don’t need to act. We don’t have to get dirty with our brushes or with our clothes. Being a family man also doesn’t prevent me from doing the things that I love,” said Sannarong.
But he did not start out as a clean-cut artist. In fact, back in his university years, he grew his hair long like most teenagers studying at the classic fine arts school. He also played in a band with friends for many years.
Fortunately, the influence of refined and talented teachers in the likes of Sawat Tantisuk and Pratuang Emjaroen, a self-taught master artisan painter of film posters, paid off.
Studying under the two masters, who were also national artists, throughout his college and university education helped Sannarong to become the artist, teacher and father figure he is today.
It’s the three of us, always has been. SANNARONG SINGHASENI RENOWNED PAINTER