Answering Uncle Tu’s Questions (Again)
Recently, our dear leader Gen Prayut Chan-o-cha posed six new questions regarding new political parties, which critics have deemed as a way for his regime to pursue its own political interests.
Since Uncle Tu will at least be in power until the general election next year (or possibly even longer after that), I decided to earn some brownie points and make up for all the time Guru poked fun at him by turning his six new questions into a multiple choice test and, thus, making it easier for my dear readers to answer them. It’s two birds with one stone, baby. Shall we give it a try? Gen Prayut’s six new questions, in gist, are: 1. Do we need new political parties or new politicians for the people to consider in the next election? Will the old politicians or political parties bring about national reforms and comply with the national strategy?
a) The first part of this two-pronged question implies you think the existing politicians and their parties aren’t up to par. Well, you sir may as well recommend which party Thais should vote for just so that we all can avoid the next coup. As for the second part, I don’t know. I’m not a fortune teller.
b) Yes. But we only need one. P’ Toon Bodyslam, our national rocker/hero, should set up a political party. His party would definitely win by a landslide at the next election. Under P’ Toon’s govt, Thais will become the healthiest versions of themselves. We won’t have to worry about hospitals not having enough medical equipment anymore. Also, everyone will take up running as their new pastime instead of walking in malls while staring down at their phones.
2. Is it the NCPO’s right to support a political party given that the PM won’t run for the election anyway?
a) Well, it isn’t illegal but it does send a dubious message. Wouldn’t the act of endorsing a political party say, “Hey guys, if you don’t pick the party that I prefer, you know what might happen, right? I’m a good guy. Trust me.”
b) Are we going to see a reincarnation of the NCPO in form of a political party? Why don’t you tell us who we should vote for already?
3. Have people seen a better future because of the government’s work over the past three years? a) Well, do you want a PC answer or a real one? b) Definitely sir. Our national security will be so lit, given all the tanks, helicopters, submarines and jet fighters on your regime’s shopping list. We’ll be so ready for WWIII, AI takeover or any apocalyptic event. Hooray!
4. Is it appropriate to compare the current government with previously elected governments?
a) It is. Yours is like, “Hey guys, I’ll give myself and associates jobs and you pay us, yeah?”
b) It’s inappropriate. Yours consists of good military men. The politicians are just bad.
5. Did previous governments show efficiency and good governance or contribute to long-term development?
a) I don’t remember because it felt like eons ago when Thailand had an elected government. But I do think that staging a coup wouldn’t do much good — if at all — in the long run.
b) Let’s talk about yours. Announcing expected election dates and changing them several times isn’t my idea of efficiency. Former PM Yingluck fled the country under your watch. Yours also closed a gold mine using section 44 that will lead to a legal dispute where Thailand stands to pay 30 billion baht in compensation. Have I mentioned the weapon shopping spree? As for good governance, remember when over 100 members of The National Legislative Assembly, which your NCPO appointed, were reported to give jobs to their spouses, relatives and children? Nepotism much? How would these incidents contribute to Thailand’s long-term development? Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
6. Why have political parties and politicians come out to discredit the government on an unusually large scale during this time?
a) Well, probably because your government wasn’t elected? They may be no angels but at least they worked for the votes they got and people chose them because they agreed with their policies.
b) They’re jealous of your popularity, sir. And thank you so much for the shopping tax break!