How Thai Chinese are you?

As the editor (and the Thai-Chinese token of this magazine), I would like to celebrate Chinese New Year with a fun test to gauge how Thai-Chinese you are. I mean, according to Theraphan Luangthomkun’s Language, Nation And Development In Southeast Asia, it was estimated that there are about 26 million Thais of full or partial Chinese descent. So, Happy Chinese New Year to about 40% of the Thai population, I guess.

Anywhoo, if the result from my test shows you are more Chinese than you think, give this page to your boss and ask to leave work early (at your own risk). The answers are at the end. No cheating!

1. How many days does Chinese New Year last?

a) Chinese New Year is today according to my Starbucks desk calendar. It’s only one day, duh. b) It’s a three-day affair. First day (Feb 14) is for buying all the offerings for the deities. The second day (Feb 15) for the worship ceremony and lion dance and the third (today) for being at leisure, feasting, wearing new clothes and blowing your red envelope money on things.

2. How many ages do you have?

a) What are you on? One! It starts from the day that I was delivered at the hospital! b) Two. I have the usual age like everyone and the other, which is calculated from the date I was conceived in relation to the Chinese calendar. So by Chinese technicality, I’m older than a Thai-Thai friend who was born on the same date.

3. Is your surname longer than four syllables?

a) No. I guess my ancestors like to keep it short and sharp. b) Yes. I guess my ancestors wanted us to appear fancy or to show that they’re trying to compensate for the fact that they originally moved here from Guangdong. Sometimes I dread not having enough blocks on document forms to fill in my surname in English.

4. How many shrines do you have at home?

a) A Buddha shrine within the house and a spirit house in the garden. b) A Buddha shrine, a spirit house, a red shrine within the house for Chinese deities and possibly a shrine with pictures of dead grandparents. It’s a holy (and kinda haunted) house, baby!

5. Which of the following isn’t considered a toy? 6. Which of the following is one of your happiest childhood memories?

a) Going to a floating market. b) Decorating your grandparent’s tomb with glitter and ribbons. Oh, oh and burning paper offerings. Pyromania is fun.

7. Have you ever been mistaken for an East Asian tourist by shop assistants or taxi drivers in Thailand?

a) No, but I get rejected by cab drivers regularly. b) It’s more often than you think. But, well, I can’t really blame them though, even a Mainland Chinese tourist tried to strike up a conversation with me at King Power Rangnam the other day.

The more your answer b), the more Thai-Chinese you are. Therefore, if anyone deserves a day off today, it’s you!