THEY SAID IT

“THOSE TWO BILLS WILL NOT BE VOTED DOWN.”

Gen Prayut Chan-o-cha, prime minister, chief aerobics instructor, head of the ruling military council (NCPO), national roadmap cartographer, says two pending bills will not delay elections (but something else might).

“SYSTEMATIC AND ARBITRARY RESTRICTIONS ON HUMAN RIGHTS.”

Amnesty International’s annual report summarises Year Four under the military regime.

“VERY CORRUPT.” Transparency International, rating Thailand (37%) on its annual Corruption Perception Index.

“IMPEDIMENT TO DEMOCRACY IN SOUTHEAST ASIA.” Designation of Thailand in ‘Worldwide Threat Assessment’ by the Director of US National Intelligence (DNI).

“BANGKOK CANNOT CONTINUE CHOKING ON HAZARDOUS AIR.”

Tara Buakamsri, director, Greenpeace Thailand, says the government is “negatively impacting the prestige” of the city.

“THE WAY TO REACH 40 IS TO HAVE AN ELECTION.”

Tipatrai Saelawong, corruption researcher, Thailand Development Research Institute (TDRI), says lack of political stability caused low global graft score of 37%.

“THAILAND HAS TO LOSE MARKS FOR THIS [LACK OF DEMOCRACY] FACTOR.” Wissanu Krea-ngam, deputy prime minister, cabinet legal eagle, says Mr Tipatrai is spot-on.

“THREE WATER BANKS WILL BE COMPLETED BEFORE THE RAINY SEASON.”

Pol Gen Aswin Kwanmuang, governor, Bangkok, claims City Hall is constructing five retention areas for floodwaters.

“THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD, JUST NOT TO OUR RESTAURANTS.”

KFC UK after it changed suppliers, ran out of chicken and had to close 600-plus stores.

“WE ARE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THIS.”

Col Piyapong Klinpan, spokesman, National Council for Peace and Order (NCPO), claims “relevant agencies” are tracking the Voldemort tour of Asia with his equally fugitive sister.

“WE CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE.”

Boonsri Saengyoktrakarn, after she and her sister Ratanachat attacked a pickup with an axe and spade because it was blocking their driveway while the owner shopped at the next-door Suan Luang market in Prawet district.