Lady Mondegreen and electric boobs Mystery instrument

In a futile attempt to escape the Songkran madness, I have holed up at home this week, soaking in lots of music and in doing so have rediscovered the wonderful world of “aural malapropisms”. This is not an obscure medical condition, but involves mishearing something, as in song lyrics.

Most of us can probably only remember a few lines of a song, and even then might not get the lyrics right. I was reminded of that this week while listening to Elton John’s Bennie and the Jets. It still sounds to my ears that Elton is singing “she’s got electric boobs” when in fact it’s the less fanciful “electric boots.”

There is even an official name for a misheard lyric — mondegreen. A brief explanation is required:

The word was originally coined by a lady who was fond of an old Scottish ballad, The Bonnie Earl of Murray. To her ears, one verse went:

“Ye highlands and ye lowlands, Oh where have you been?

They have slain the Earl of Murray And Lady Mondegreen.”

It was only after years of lamenting about the tragic fate of Lady Mondegreen, that she learned that the last line was actually “and laid him on the green.”

Dusty memories

My first experience of a mondegreen came as a nipper in the primary school choir when at Christmas we sang the dreadful Ding Dong Merrily On High. I always sang the last line as “when Anna is in Chelsea” although I could not explain who Anna was or why she was in southwest London. After a few years, I discovered that it should be “hosanna in excelsis”, which to me made even less sense.

Then in 1966, I thought Dusty Springfield was singing “you don’t have to say you love me, just because I’m mad.” Later I discovered Dusty wasn’t insane but was actually asking “just be close at hand”, which is admittedly a bit more romantic.

Friendly ants

There are a couple of mondegreens which have achieved the status of folklore, even becoming book titles. ’Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy is based on the common mishearing of the Jimi Hendrix classic Purple Haze in which Hendrix is actually kissing ‘‘the sky”.

But mondegreens really took off with Bob Dylan whose enunciation is a challenge to even the sharpest ear. Hence the book The Ants Are My Friend, which we all know is what Dylan really meant to write as the refrain for Blowin’ In the Wind rather than “the answer my friend …”.

Lick my leg

When Postscript first discussed mondegreens some years ago, readers came up with their personal experiences of aural malapropisms. As ridiculous as some of the misheard lyrics seem, when you see the correct version they weren’t that far off the mark. One reader thought the lyrics to The Kinks hit You Really Got Me went “You got me so I can’t see Batman” rather than “can’t sleep at night.”

In Angel of the Morning, a reader said she used to sing “just brush your teeth before you leave me” before someone pointed out that teeth should have been “cheek”. For years, a Beatles fan thought in Hey Jude, Paul McCartney sang “remember sweet lettuce under your skin” rather than ‘‘remember to let her under your skin”.

Another reader had Elton John singing “rocket man, burning all the trees off every lawn” when in fact the spaceman was “burning up his fuse up here alone.”

One interpretation of a lyric suggests an element of wishful thinking. Someone thought he heard Ray Orbison sing “Pretty woman, won’t you lick my leg”, rather than “Pretty woman, won’t you look my way.”

Dogs on acid

Some mondegreens sent by readers were a considerable improvement on the original lyrics. Madonna’s La Isla Bonita definitely sounds better with “last night I dreamed of some bagels” rather than “San Pedro”. Perhaps the Eurythmics wish they had written “sweet dreams are made of cheese” rather than “made of this”.

Top marks to the reader who believed Pink Floyd’s The Wall included “the dogs suck acid in the classroom” which sounds very Pink Floyd-ish. Alas, the original lyrics were “no dark sarcasm in the classroom.”

Another imaginative effort came from a reader who thought the Deep Purple anthem which had the refrain “smoke on the water, fire in the sky” was actually “slow walking Walter, the fire engine guy.” Some of the more wrinkly readers may recall the classic Peter Sellers’ 1958 track A Drop of the Hard Stuff, a spoof of an Irish band playing in a pub when everything disintegrates into a chaotic punch-up.

One reader informed me that when he first heard it as a youngster he though Sellers said, “that sounds like a bumnaught you were playing there Sean.” For years he believed there was an Irish instrument called a “bumnaught”, although he never came across anyone who played it. It was only when he got older he realised Sellers was referring to a “bum note”. In fact there ought to be an instrument called a “bumnaught”. I’m sure it would sound very Irish.

If nothing else, today’s PostScript might help you forget being ambushed by all those sneaky water throwers. It may find you singing a few long-forgotten tunes — that is, if you can remember the lyrics.