THEY SAID IT

“HE HAS TRIED TO … REFORM THAI POLITICS INTO A REAL DEMOCRACY.” ‘History of Thailand’, a book by the Fine Arts Department, which has no sense of the absurd.

“THE CONTENT OF THE BOOK IS MISLEADING.” Srisuwan Janya, gadfly activist with a sense of the absurd, on the book, ‘History of Thailand’.

“I NEED PEOPLE WHO CAN ADVISE ME.” Gen Prayut Chan-o-cha, prime minister, chief aerobics instructor, head of the ruling military council (NCPO), national roadmap cartographer, on hiring two sons of convicted murderer and former power player Kamnan Poh.

“IT’S LIKE [VOLDEMORT] DID WHEN HE BUILT THAI RAK THAI.” Political operative, describing the methods of Deputy Prime Minister Somkid Jatusripitak in building a political party around Prime Minister Prayut Chan-o-cha.

“THE OFFICIAL MEETING WILL CERTAINLY BE HELD IN JUNE.” Wissanu Krea-ngam, Deputy Prime Minister, government legal eagle, assures political parties of a meeting to discuss lifting the ban on political activities.

“THAI ATHLETES WILL BECOME MORE SUCCESSFUL AT THE NEXT OLYMPICS.” Thomas Bach, president, International Olympics Committee, panders to the prime minister during a Government House stopover on his all-expenses-paid visit to Thailand.

“THE CHIEF SUSPECTS ARE A 59-YEAR-OLD THAI NATIONAL AND HER 62-YEAR-OLD GERMAN PARTNER.” Spokesman, Frankfurt prosecutors’ office, after a major bust of a prostitution-cum-human trafficking operation.

“WE ARE COMMITTED TO BEING A LONG-TERM PARTNER OF THAILAND.” Jack Ma, chief executive, Alibaba, encourages farmers to “go digital” and vows to promote Thai agricultural exports.

“THAILAND HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME AN E-COMMERCE CENTRE.” Gen Prayut preens at Mr Ma’s flattery.