THE BIG ISSUE: PUNCH LINES
>> If the general prime minister has his way — and it looks like he probably will — it won’t be politics or police or the justice system that he’ll finally reform.
Last week, at the blatant election campaigning trip to the Northeast that he insists on euphemising as a “mobile cabinet meeting”, Gen (Ret) Prayut made it pretty clear that the people of this country keep letting him down.
He’s not entirely clear on exactly what reform of the Thai population he intends, but he’s clear as crystal about what the Thailand of the Perfect Future will not have.
For example, there won’t be any political cartoonists. Talented artists might be allowed in Thailand 2030, but they won’t be criticising the man at the top.
Last Monday at Amnat Charoen, and last Tuesday at Ubon Ratchathani, the general prime minister got to do what he said in his first month in charge of the country back in 2014. “Just me talking alone is quite fun,” he said back then. It’s still on YouTube.
By election campaign standards, it wasn’t a huge crowd at either province capital. They numbered in the hundreds, heavy on females, and if they weren’t carefully selected and briefed by handlers and aides of the soon-to-be Phalang Pracharat (People’s Power) party’s favourite candidate as prime minister for life, the crowds sure gave a good imitation of it.
They laughed and applauded when he got to the alpha male part of the presentation, when he sighed his discontent about all those damned critics today. Which of course encouraged him.
Close your eyes, forget the language difference and you are transported from Amnat Charoen to Indianapolis. The man with the homilies up there isn’t Gen (Ret) Prayut doing a carefully thoughtout extemporaneous talk, it’s Donald Trump doing his deal with an equally friendly audience.
There’s the media. Aren’t they horrible? Aren’t they awful? Does anyone believe them any more? Does anyone even read them any more? Because, said Mr Trump, I don’t read them any more, and “I’d like to punch that protester in the face”.
Because, said Gen (Ret) Prayut, and here are his words, thankfully translated by a reporter of an online English newspaper:
“They can criticise me every day. I am no longer angry, as I no longer even read it. I have been tormented for four years — because I read newspapers and read my smartphone.
“Now, if someone criticises me and it doesn’t sound good to my ears, I will punch them in the mouth.” (Laughs and scattered cheers.)
Mr Trump hates the press and openly threatens to punch a protester. Gen (Ret) Prayut hates protesters and openly wants to punch the press. See the difference? (Yes, neither do we.)
Of course, they’re hardly identical. The politician formerly known as a star army officer doesn’t spend as much time on his hair, while the politician formerly known as a reality TV star spends literally no time at all pretending that baby kissing and election campaigning have no political motivation.
Last week, Mr Trump was in the US states of Iowa and Illinois, meeting and greeting “many great friends” at packed rallies, pressing flesh with influential local politicians and their canvassers. Gen (Ret) Prayut was leading startlingly similar rallies in the Thai provinces of Amnat Charoen and Ubon Ratchathani, speaking to the folks and trying so hard it must have hurt not to be seen intentionally flattering and hoovering up every willing political canvasser he could wai, which he was doing.
But let’s be honest. All cats were released from the bags on the trip to the Northeast’s tri-border area. Denials are impossible; that shenaniganry is over. Even Minister of Commerce Sontirat Sontijirawong, who never has been in a political party, boasted he was out and about, scouting out old Pheu Thai MPs such as influential Supol Fongngam, twisting their arms and maybe even promising them stuff if they have the good sense to join the winner’s team.
That is the varsity squad being assembled by Sam Mitr (The Three Allies, aka Three Amigos), the general prime minister’s political S-men. Their campaign apparatus is no longer a secret. The charade that they were bound by the junta’s ban on active politics was dropped.
Los Tres Amigos decided that former Voldemort batman and organiser Somsak Thepsuthin will be their spokesman. He went full-campaign mode, overboard if anything. It seems the general prime minister “has restored happiness” and “made colour-coded shirts go away” except for green, and ended world hunger.
Okay, he didn’t say the last one. But political battle is now publicly joined. Those who believe that Thailand will soon be governed by civilians concerned about civil rights could instead get a punch in the mouth. Figuratively, of course.