Desperate times for the old normal

Every now and again a buzzword or phrase appears which you know is not going away in a hurry, although you wish it would. One such expression which we have become accustomed to in recent times is “new normal”. Admittedly it sounded quite trendy and even clever when it first emerged, but it has been so overused it is already something of a cliche.

It is still not entirely clear what “new normal” actually means, primarily because nobody really knows, which is probably the reason for its popularity amongst public speakers and politicians. If someone uses “new normal” in a speech they are pretty safe because it sounds like they know what they are talking about even if they don’t.

There is bit of a worry that “new normal” might also be a bit tough on old guys like me who have spent their whole life desperately trying to be normal, only to find that now we are in danger of becoming “abnormal”.

“New normal” might also sound the death-knell for that long-established and wonderfully comforting expression “perfectly normal”. Somehow “perfectly new normal” doesn’t quite flow off the tongue in the same manner.

It could also be an interesting period for four US towns in Alabama, Illinois, Indiana and Kentucky which happen to share the somewhat abnormal name of Normal. One wonders when the pandemic is over if they will be renamed New Normal or perhaps if they haven’t adapted to the new situation, will settle for Old Normal.

End of the road

Some buzzwords have a longer shelf life than others. Back in 2004 when George W Bush came up with a “road map” for Middle East peace, you had the feeling it wasn’t the last we had heard of that expression and that has proven to be the case. I even heard it a couple of times last week when a British politician got in a tangle and was unconvincingly trying to pretend everything would work out if we followed his “road map”.

The “road map” expression even reached Thailand a few years ago. It is the sort of term politicians dream about. It sounds quite enlightened even if it doesn’t really mean anything. It doesn’t matter as long as it impresses the general public. Unfortunately, as we know, maps in Thailand have to take into account assorted U-turns, gridlocks and potholes which have an unfortunate habit of either leading to a dead end or a head-on collision.

Not so plain speaking

In the past decade the “road map” expression has also come in very useful for anyone who serves on a committee or board and in a meeting is called upon to comment on something they know nothing about. Even an incoherent mumble can sound quite authoritative as long as you lob in “road map” and a few other established buzzwords such as “window of opportunity”, “grass roots” or the favourites for many years, “transparency” and “sustainability”. You can also slip in Boris Johnson’s favourite “sherpa time” and find people nodding in agreement.

A mention of “re-engineering” or “synergy” also doesn’t do any harm as long as you don’t have to explain what they mean.

“Paradigm” is another word that regularly crops up in reports despite the fact that few people know its meaning and even fewer how to pronounce it.

Box tickers

There are some expressions that can be irritating simply because they are too clever by half. In this respect “singing from the same hymn book” has always been a bit annoying, as has “thinking out of the box”, not to be confused with the equally maddening “ticks all the right boxes”.

Then we have “correct me if I am wrong”, which really means “I am right and don’t even think about correcting me”.

One expression we are all probably guilty of using is “but, having said that” after which we go on to contradict everything we have just said, a convenient way of sitting on the fence.

Thanks, but no thanks

One email expression that can make people uncomfortable is “thanks in advance”. It’s a sneaky way of thanking a person for something they probably don’t want to do, but makes them feel guilty if they don’t. Another annoying expression is “with all due respect”, a pompous way of announcing that whatever is said next will not show any respect whatsoever. All the above are basically modern-day cliches, a word derived from the French publishing name for a printing plate that can be reused over and over again. So not for the first time we can blame it all on the French.

Nailed on

Many thanks to a long-time Bangkok resident who can confirm first-hand the item last week suggesting there may have been some surreptitious tinkling with the coconuts at British fairground shies in the old days. In 1950 his grandfather ran an amusement arcade in Blackpool and one of the tasks granddad gave his nine-year-old grandson was to nail down the coconuts at the shy so they would not fall off if hit by a customer.

On one such occasion, the youngster missed the nail and hammered a painful blow on his finger and to this day has the wound to prove it. One suspects he is probably the only expat in Thailand to have suffered a coconut wound in such a manner.