‘EVERY WOMAN NEEDS A PAUL PELOSI’ IN LIFE
Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s husband has long taken care of the couple’s “business of living.”
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was glued to CNN the night after the 2020 election while her husband, Paul Pelosi, sat nearby unwrapping a package. “What is that?” she asked him in a scene from the new HBO documentary, Pelosi in the House, directed by their daughter Alexandra Pelosi.
“Dish towels,” Paul Pelosi responded with a hint of irony as he popped the bubble packing. Nancy Pelosi smiled and then turned her attention back to the election coverage.
It was just one instance of a dynamic on display throughout the film: Paul Pelosi, who was brutally attacked at the couple’s San Francisco home by an assailant who was said to have been targeting the speaker, takes care of what their family refers to as the “business of living”.
That leaves his wife, who will step down as speaker when Republicans assume the House majority on Jan 3, free to focus on her work. It is the kind of relationship that women in politics rarely talk about but can sometimes help make the difference between success and failure: a partner willing to take on the mundane tasks and supportive role that traditionally fell to political wives.
And although the Pelosis are wealthy and can get all the household help they need, the documentary captures that being a political spouse can mean simply showing up, and then standing off to the side.
Throughout the film, as Nancy Pelosi does business on the phone with former vice president Mike Pence, Sen Chuck Schumer or Joe Biden, who was then a presidential candidate, Paul Pelosi, 82, a multimillionaire businessman who founded a venture capital investment firm, is often in the same room dealing with the day-to-day necessities of their lives.
In one scene, Nancy Pelosi was in her pyjamas strategising on a call with Rep Jerrold Nadler about the first impeachment of former president Donald Trump while Paul Pelosi, sitting across from her, was on his cellphone dealing with a contractor trying to access their San Francisco home to fix a broken shower.
“I don’t know what happened to that key,” Paul Pelosi said, using an expletive.
Paul and Nancy Pelosi met as college students while taking a summer class at Georgetown University in 1961. They married two years later and had five children in six years.
Nancy Pelosi spent her early years in the marriage as a stay-at-home San Francisco mother and did not run for Congress until she was in her 40s. What followed was nothing that Paul Pelosi ever pictured for his wife or his family, according to his daughter. “I don’t think this is what he signed up for in 1987,” Alexandra Pelosi said in an interview, referring to the year Nancy Pelosi was first elected to Congress. “He just had to get over it.”
Paul Pelosi, according to his daughter, never caught the political bug. He forbids political talk at the dinner table.
But over the years, he has been at his wife’s side at her big political moments and has taken on many of the duties of the homemaker. He does the dishes, deals with contractors, pays the bills and shops for Nancy Pelosi’s clothes.
“She’s never ordered dish towels in her life,” Alexandra Pelosi said. “That’s what he’s been doing forever. He does the shopping for her, from the dish towels to the Armani dress.
“He’s got Armani on speed dial,” she added, referring to Italian designer Giorgio Armani, one of the speaker’s favourites. “He’s the full-service husband.”
The documentary, focused on Nancy Pelosi’s rise and professional accomplishments, offers glimpses into how a
marriage to a supportive spouse helps create the space for a woman’s work — in her case, operating years as the most powerful political force in the Democratic Party in recent times.
“He’s a private person with a private life with a very interesting collection of friends, including Republicans,” Alexandra Pelosi said. “He didn’t sign up for this life.”
But, she said, he has made it work. “Every woman needs a Paul Pelosi.”
Despite his appearances in the documentary, Paul Pelosi is not always at the speaker’s side, including in May, when he was in a car accident in Napa County, California, and later pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of alcohol. Nancy Pelosi was across the
country, preparing to deliver an address at Brown University.
“He’s there for the days that matter,” Alexandra Pelosi said. “It’s really just because she says you have to come. These kinds of people need a family to be there for support on days that matter.”
In October, Paul Pelosi was beaten with a hammer at the couple’s San Francisco home by an assailant who was said to have been targeting the speaker. He suffered major head injuries but has appeared in recent days by Nancy Pelosi’s side, including her portrait unveiling at the Capitol and at the Kennedy Center Honors celebration.
Still, his daughter said he was on a long road to recovery. “He has good days and bad days,” she said, noting
that he has post-traumatic stress.
The attack on the man who has been a quiet pillar of the Pelosi family life has taken a toll on all of them. The speaker told CNN’s Anderson Cooper in a recent interview that “for me, this is really the hard part, because Paul was not the target, and he’s the one who is paying the price”.
“He was not looking for Paul; he was looking for me,” she added.
His daughter said one of the most uncomfortable parts of the ordeal has been the glare of the public spotlight on a person who has tried to avoid it. “He’s remained out of the limelight as much as he could,” she said. “He almost got to the end without anyone knowing who he was.”