Is dying for dairy worth it?

Neha Mahamood on the perils of being almost lactose intolerant neha@khaleejtimes.com

TO THE STARBUCKS barista that handed me that free sample of coffee which had dairy milk and I was too excited to think of the consequences that fatal mistake could cause, what happened last night can never happen again.

I refuse to come that close to death only to be pulled back at the last minute because it was just a touch of lactose intolerance.

Call me privileged but I like being able to breathe without the walls of my stomach hurting every time I inhale.

Or being dizzy with my arms and legs feeling like Wolverine’s titanium filled limbs (completely off topic, but can you believe the hunk Hugh Jackman hung up his knuckle blades?!)

Listen, strange man who offered me free delicious liquid sanity, I love that you people go around once in a while and treat customers to the one thing in life that still brings us joy; but must you try and kill us with coffee?!

Personally, I feel there are much better ways to bring about that result. All I’m going to say is, have you not watched Silence of the Lambs?

I digress, but what do you really have against us who are intolerant to dairy? Yes, sure, we are a nuisance. We tell you a hundred times while ordering our drink to make sure you wrote down Soy milk, we badger the different baristas making the drink to double check they picked up the right milk container. And then when we do get our drink we scrutinise the writings on the cup to make sure it does in fact say Soy milk. Finally, the taste check. The moment of truth, before we are reassured and walk away happy with our 350ml of heaven in a cup.

But you have to understand, we didn’t ask for this. We don’t like it either. Life is hard living on this side of the chasm. Always picking, always choosing, always living carefully.

To all the dairy milk out there, this isn’t goodbye forever. I will revisit you occasionally. In those times when I don’t care who stands in our way. When I don’t care for the consequences. When my need for you rivals my need for comfort.

In the words of Prince, “I love you baby, I love you so much, maybe we can stay in touch.”

But in all honestly I don’t want to stay in touch. I value my life more. Everything said and done, I do want to live a little longer.