Friday - - Parenting -

Chil­dren are ex­pected to follow strict rules es­tab­lished by par­ents. Fail­ure to com­ply with such rules – which are rarely ex­plained to the young­ster – usu­ally re­sults in pun­ish­ment. Th­ese par­ents have high de­mands, but are not re­spon­sive to their chil­dren. How do you know you might be one? You say ‘Be­cause I said so’ a lot. How might chil­dren de­velop? Con­stant in­struc­tions might mean, in later life, they are pro­fi­cient and obe­di­ent but they may also lack con­fi­dence and so­cial skills. Like au­thor­i­tar­ian par­ents, rules and guide­lines are im­por­tant, but in a much more demo­cratic way. Mums and dads will hear chil­dren out be­fore mak­ing de­ci­sions, while ex­plain­ing why cer­tain rules are in place. When chil­dren fail to meet the ex­pec­ta­tions, par­ents are more nur­tur­ing and for­giv­ing. As­sertive­ness is key here. Dis­ci­pline is sup­port­ive, rather than puni­tive. How do you know you might be one? You say ‘OK, let me hear what you have to say’. How might chil­dren de­velop? Ex­plain­ing rules mean kids grasp right from wrong early, while en­cour­age­ment al­lows con­fi­dence and hap­pi­ness to grow. Per­mis­sive par­ents seek to avoid con­flict, be­liev­ing neg­a­tiv­ity and con­fronta­tion are bad for the fam­ily and should be avoided at most costs. They rarely dis­ci­pline their chil­dren and are of­ten more re­spon­sive when their child de­mands some­thing. They be­lieve, if trusted, chil­dren are ca­pa­ble of self-reg­u­la­tion. How do you know this might be you? You let your chil­dren play on­line games late into the night. How might chil­dren de­velop? Such free­dom en­cour­ages cre­ativ­ity and as­pi­ra­tion but it can lead to long-term im­ma­tu­rity and lack of self-con­trol. There is lit­tle if any com­mu­ni­ca­tion. The par­ent has few de­mands of their off­spring, and con­se­quently ex­pect few de­mands made of them. How do you know you might be one? You pre­fer a night out to see­ing your el­dest. How might chil­dren de­velop? Feel­ings of re­jec­tion in early life can lead to low self-es­teem and low con­fi­dence later on.

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