Friday - - Report -

In plain English It might not feel like it in the days af­ter your fi­ancé has run off with your best friend, but experiencing love, if only for a short while, is prefer­able to go­ing through life with­out. Ori­gins From a verse by 19th-cen­tury Bri­tish poet Al­fred Lord Ten­nyson It might be true “This is ab­so­lutely right,” says Fadwa Lko­rchy. “Lov­ing is what makes us hu­man and adds joy to life.

“To never love, you might say, is to never live. I’ve had clients who are so heart­bro­ken af­ter a break-up they don’t think they’ll ever stop feel­ing pain, but with time and with pa­tience, they do.

“My ad­vice is al­ways to em­brace the hurt, and not to avoid it. That is the best way to come to terms with a sep­a­ra­tion.”

More im­por­tantly, she adds, a bro­ken heart helps us to learn about our­selves and pre­pares us for our next re­la­tion­ship. In this way, los­ing love ac­tu­ally makes us more likely to find it again. It might not be Ten­nyson’s rhyme may be a beau­ti­ful sen­ti­ment, says Dr Kanafani. But it doesn’t hold true in all cir­cum­stances.

If, for ex­am­ple, some­one ter­mi­nat­ing a re­la­tion­ship leaves the other per­son so heart­bro­ken they are in­ca­pable of mov­ing on, then that is clearly not healthy. The trick, she ad­vises, is to love well but not to al­low that to trans­form into ab­so­lute code­pen­dency.

“Even when you are with some­one you love,” she says, “you must be happy to be alone, to be your­self. You should not make some­one else solely re­spon­si­ble for your hap­pi­ness.” The ver­dict Lov­ing is great. Los­ing isn’t. But both are a part of life that must be ac­cepted.

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