WHY FOOD SHOP­PING IS TOP OF MY FEARS LIST

Suresh Menon is a writer based in In­dia. In his youth he set out to change the world but later de­cided to leave it as it is

Friday - - Humour -

What do hus­bands fear the most? I don’t know about you, but my ob­ject of fear is the gro­cery list. I fear it more than door-to-door sales­men, voices on the phone urg­ing me to buy in­sur­ance right now or the TV an­chor who, ev­ery night, ac­cuses me of be­ing re­spon­si­ble for all the prob­lems in my coun­try. There are prob­a­bly sci­en­tific terms for each of these, and also for a fifth (not car­ing if there is a term or not).

Sig­mund Freud died be­fore he could tell us which of our par­ents ought to be blamed for our dread of shop­ping lists. I can stare at one for ages with­out be­ing able to make out what I am ev­ery­body on my street for at least three weeks, or enough grain to keep the bird pop­u­la­tion of the coun­try in good health for four gen­er­a­tions.

Once my wife re­alised I wasn’t ac­tu­ally colour blind, I lost the ex­cuse to avoid veg­etable shop­ping. I thought it was a good plan. I brought home green pep­pers when I was specif­i­cally asked to buy yel­low ones, and asked in­no­cently, ‘You mean these aren’t yel­low?’ I even blinked a few times to un­der­line my con­di­tion.

Around the time we were del­e­gat­ing re­spon­si­bil­i­ties, gro­cery shop­ping was in the con­cur­rent list. Ei­ther of us could do it.

In or­der to avoid look­ing at a list,

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