Our colum­nist Lori Borgman learns that it’s not al­ways a case of ‘as you sow, so shall you reap’.

Lori Borgman finds the funny in ev­ery­day life, writ­ing from the heart­land of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Friday - - Contents -

It’s gar­den­ing sea­son here, which means in a few months there is a 50/50 chance I’ll be star­ing at plants in our gar­den saying, “They were a lot pret­tier in the seed cat­a­logue.” The hus­band is still sting­ing from our home-grown tomato en­deav­our sev­eral years ago. I asked him why we would buy toma­toes that some­body else grew when we could have the en­joy­ment and sat­is­fac­tion of grow­ing them our­selves.

He thought home-grown veg­eta­bles sounded in­ter­est­ing. By the end of the summer we dis­cov­ered that with the in­abil­ity to know when to quit, we were able to grow the world’s most ex­pen­sive toma­toes.

This is how it’s done: Buy six seedling tomato plants, 20 feet of fenc­ing and wire cut­ters, which aren’t cheap. Stick the tomato plants in the ground and let them grow for a week. Next week, go out and buy rab­bit repellent, slug bait and six new tomato plants to re­place the ones the crit­ters de­stroyed.

To let the crit­ters know you aren’t go­ing down easy, also buy fer­tiliser, tomato dust, a five-po­si­tion sprin­kler on a timer and a pricey ham­mock from which you can si­mul­ta­ne­ously lounge and do sur­veil­lance.

By summer’s end, we had beau­ti­ful ripe toma­toes that cost roughly a half-day’s wage per tomato. Although they were lovely and de­li­cious, it is hard to en­joy toma­toes that ex­pen­sive.

The next year, we built a cou­ple of raised beds. Rab­bits might squeeze in un­der wire fenc­ing, but let them take a run at solid wood and see what hap­pens. We con­grat­u­lated our­selves on our bril­liance.

The day af­ter the gar­den was planted, I poured my morn­ing cof­fee and stood by the win­dow to watch.

A pack of rab­bits ap­peared and bounded over the side of the bed, nib­bled on ten­der greens, bounded back out, bounded back in, nib­bled some more, and bounded back out. I fully ex­pected to hear work­out mu­sic with a puls­ing beat. The gar­den was a fit­ness cen­tre for bun­nies com­plete with an or­ganic snack bar.

This year the hus­band added more boards to the raised beds mak­ing them even higher. Bar­ring rab­bits tot­ing lad­ders or some con­vo­luted cat­a­pult sys­tem, we are confident our pro­duce will be safe. We are so confident that we have added three va­ri­eties of let­tuce and cu­cum­bers to the line-up.

Yes, we have con­sid­ered that the crit­ters may out­smart us again and we will wind up grow­ing let­tuce and cu­cum­bers as ex­pen­sive as the

Apack­ofRABBITSbounde­d­i­nand­outover­theside­ofthebed,NIBBLING on ten­der greens. I fully ex­pected to hear WORK­OUT MU­SIC. The gar­den was a fit­ness cen­tre for BUN­NIES com­plete with an or­ganic SNACK BAR

toma­toes. We have also con­sid­ered that we may be forced to con­sider salad as part of our fi­nan­cial port­fo­lio.

Some­times I won­der if the ideal gar­den isn’t one where some­one else plants, weeds, wa­ters and bat­tles the crit­ters en­sur­ing that the veg­eta­bles ma­ture to near per­fec­tion. The hus­band says that sys­tem is al­ready in place – it’s called a gro­cery store.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UAE

© PressReader. All rights reserved.