Plan­ning and pos­ing to look per­fectly can­did

Lori Borgman finds the funny in ev­ery­day life, writ­ing from the heart­land of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys..

Friday - - Humour -

We were at a wed­ding re­cently and when­ever some­one raised a cam­era to take a pic­ture, nearly ev­ery per­son in the room im­me­di­ately stopped what they were do­ing and struck a pose. I’ve never seen so many care­fully posed can­dids.

Peo­ple were toss­ing their heads back, snap­ping their necks, an­gling their shoul­ders, smil­ing broadly and dis­play­ing daz­zling den­tal work, which re­minded me I hadn’t had any wed­ding cake yet.

It’s no longer enough to sim­ply look at the cam­era and say cheese. Half­way through my cake, I saw sim­i­lar moves hap­pen­ing through­out the room.

No woman to­day lets her arms hang at her sides when some­one is about to snap a pic­ture. Sure, that’s where the arms were de­signed to hang, but arms against the body add weight, which is why women now pose with their hands on their hips. Of course, when ev­ery fe­male in a pic­ture puts her hands on her hips, you may have to el­bow a long-time friend or rel­a­tive, so the il­lu­sion of be­ing slen­der comes at a cost.

Some of your ex­cep­tion­ally good posers dra­mat­i­cally raise an arm be­hind the head so the el­bow is bent and the back of the head is rest­ing in the palm of the hand. I tried that move and the hus­band whis­pered that it looked like I was check­ing my deodor­ant.

How you hold your head is crit­i­cal. Se­ri­ous posers jut the en­tire face for­ward then tilt their heads down ever so slightly. From the side, the move looks like a tur­tle emerg­ing from its shell. The net ef­fect is it elim­i­nates chin flap. Of course, one young lady said that press­ing your tongue against the roof of your mouth can also elim­i­nate chin sag.

The truly cam­era-con­scious never face the cam­era di­rectly; they al­ways turn at a 45-de­gree an­gle. In ev­ery pic­ture, they look like they’re walk­ing away from a con­ver­sa­tion.

Nor does any­one stand up straight any­more. It’s not about pos­ture, it’s about keep­ing one knee bent. And don’t stand with your legs side by side. Ex­tend one leg. Now, if you can wrap your ex­tended leg around your bent knee you’re well on your way to be­com­ing a hu­man pret­zel.

You will prob­a­bly also want to work on your bal­let hands. Let your hands go limp at the wrists, slightly spread your fin­gers apart and bring your hands to­gether in front of your mid-sec­tion. You should now look like you have bal­let hands – or like some­one just took

Women now pose with their hands on their HIPS. Of course, when ev­ery fe­male in a pic­ture puts her hands on her hips, you may have to EL­BOW a long-time friend or rel­a­tive, so the il­lu­sion of be­ing slen­der comes at a COST

a large serv­ing bowl away from you.

By the end of the evening, I was com­fort­able with the pos­ing tech­niques. I was lift­ing my arms, bend­ing my knees, bob­bing my chin up and down, an­gling my shoul­ders, ex­tend­ing my legs and shak­ing out my hands.

If my new poses don’t re­sult in bet­ter photographs, at least I have some new dance moves.

Tell us what you think. Email us at fri­day@gulfnews.com

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