WELL-BEING

What happens when someone you love has cancer? Melanie Swan speaks to experts about how families, too, may need counselling and help as they provide support to their loved one

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, their loved ones may also need a helping hand – to cope with depression, anxiety or fear, say experts.

Breast cancer is the second leading cause of death among women in the UAE, but rarely do we consider the physical and mental toll this fatal disease takes on its victims’ loved ones. From anxiety and depression to physical ill health, the effects can be enormous, for adults and children alike.

Loved ones are greatly affected by the cancer journey, says Dr Thoraiya Kanafani, clinical director at the Human Relations Institute and Clinics in Dubai. ‘They feel helpless in stopping the cancer from progressing. Not only are they dealing with their own grieving process of accepting what is happening, but they also must manage the emotions of the individual suffering with breast cancer and their acceptance of their journey.

‘At times, loved ones neglect their health in terms of mental, emotional, and physical well-being, which not only affects them greatly but also ultimately can make the diagnosed individual feel guilty.’

Many people in the UAE are affected by breast cancer: According to breast cancer charity Pink Caravan UAE, one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime, making the disease the most commonly diagnosed cancer in women. Abu Dhabi Health Authority says it is the second most common cancer in the emirate overall.

The journey of fighting breast cancer can be long and unstable, for patients and their loved ones. ‘Cancer can definitely cause an emotional roller-coaster for loved ones as they pass through stages of remission and recurrence,’ says Dr Thoraiya. Instability can be devastating. ‘They may feel hopeful when the diagnosed individual is in remission and [be devastated] when there is a recurrence. They must cycle through uncertainty and feel dejected about starting anything in their lives since the cancer can return at any time. Severe changes may also cause anxiety and symptoms of depression in loved ones.’

UAE resident Mohammad’s wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009 and has since made a full recovery, though the psychological scars in many members of the family are still fresh. With three children, then aged 2, 7 and 9, it was a tough journey for the whole family. Watching mum lose her hair and become almost unrecognisable as the cortisone began to balloon her normally slim, slight frame confused the children, though they were not told of the true reason.

‘My wife was diagnosed with cancer, which had spread to many parts of the breast,’ he said, requesting anonymity for his family. ‘Immediately she began a rather aggressive process of treatment.’ He remembers the first two weeks as clearly as today. ‘Waiting for the test results, the biopsy, is the worst time. You know something is wrong but you have no answers. It’s a waiting game and you don’t know what to do.’ The inevitable sleepless nights, comfort eating, and rocketing stress levels ensued.

According to the American Cancer Society, the five-year relative survival rate for women with stage 0 or stage I breast cancer is close to 100 per cent while for women with stage II breast cancer, the five-year relative survival rate is about 93 per cent. This drops dramatically for those with stage III breast cancers to roughly 72 per cent, though often, women can be successfully treated. However, breast cancers that have spread to other parts of the body are more difficult to treat and tend to have a poorer outlook. Stage IV breast cancers have a five-year relative survival rate of around 22 per cent.

Farah Dahabi, clinical social worker and program coordinator of Raymee Grief Center at the Lighthouse Center for Well-being in Dubai, agrees that the roller-coaster can be hugely detrimental to those on the support side. She said: ‘As families move through a cycle of tests, treatments, and more tests, they often experience an emotional cycle of hope, discouragement and frustration.’

In turn, this can manifest in many other ways. ‘Witnessing a loved one battling cancer or any terminal illness is physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting. Living with the chronic uncertainty and fear over your loved one’s health can cause difficulty concentrating, fatigue, a heaviness or tightness in the chest, nausea and a feeling of being disoriented. At times it can be difficult to maintain normal functioning when there’s a part of your life that feels like it’s falling apart.’

This is especially hard for expats when the loved one is living far away. ‘It is a common response for expats living in the UAE to feel somewhat guilty for not being closer to a loved one who is unwell, or being able to take more time off from work throughout the duration of their loved one’s illness,’ she says.

It is vital that loved ones take care of themselves, she adds. ‘This is not an act of selfishness. Taking better care of themselves with adequate sleep, nutrition, and exercise will allow them to be more present for their loved one.’

It is even more necessary after a loss, though not everyone can afford the luxury of counselling. The Raymee Grief Centre is the only such centre in the Gulf that provides freeof-cost individual and group support sessions. It is a service that can prove a lifesaver for many left behind. ‘While not everyone requires professional support after loss, it is important to understand what to expect from grief,