A SLICE OF LIFE

Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Our columnist Lori Borgman has found the trick to good sleep: Ditch the clock.

Insomnia is one of the gifts that nature frequently bestows on women who are over 50. Unfortunately, it’s a gift you cannot return. Sometimes, if I wake up at 3am and can’t go back to sleep for an hour, I go ahead and get up at 4am. I’ve always been an early morning person, so it’s not a big deal. The only problem is that I am ready for mid-morning coffee by 7am and lunch by 10am.

Insomnia isn’t all bad – it sharpens your mental math skills. You lie there wide awake thinking, “If it’s 2 o’clock now and I fall asleep at 3 o’clock and I get up at 6 o’clock, that’s three hours’ sleep, which is one more hour than last night,” and on and on. The possibilities are enough to keep you up all night.

The husband has had trouble with sleep, too. He has noted that, on occasion, it has taken him five, maybe six minutes to fall asleep. It’s hard to feel sorry for someone like that.

Plus, once he is asleep, there’s no waking him. I could roll the man out of the bed and onto the floor and he’d not only sleep soundly, but wake up refreshed and not even notice he was on the floor.

A friend suggested that a sound machine can help with insomnia.

I asked if she meant the sound machines some of the grandbabies have – the ones with two settings, one that sounds like a heartbeat signaling a pending panic attack, and white noise that sounds like a radio station out of range.

She said no, that they have sound machines for adults, which come with multiple options.

The babbling brook, with water gurgling as it rolls over rocks, was pleasant and restful but it made me want to get up and go hiking.

The sound of rain falling on the roof was relaxing, too, but I would periodically spring from bed to make sure all the windows were closed.

The sound of thunder was disturbing. It was so realistic I kept listening for warning sirens signaling tornadoes were on the way.

I finally settled on ocean waves. It was wonderful, soothing and calming. I visualised the coastline with the surf lapping at my feet, deep blue skies and boats dotting the horizon. Next thing I knew I was at the computer at 1am planning a vacation to the coast.

I ditched the sound machine and I’m sleeping better now, thank you.

I’ve always been an early morning person, so it’s not a big deal when I get at 4am. The only problem is that I am ready for lunch by 10am

The key was to hide the digital clock that glows in the dark and to put my cell phone out of reach. If I want to know what time it is so I can start calculating how much sleep I’m not getting, I have to get out of bed to check the time.

Truthfully, I don’t know how much sleep I’m getting, but I wake up more rested not knowing how much sleep I didn’t get. The “keeping myself in the dark” system seems to be working most days.

Except for today.

Today, I’ll be having lunch at 9.