A SLICE OF LIFE

Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Our columnist Lori Borgman has been cheating on My Fitness Pal. Now she’s scared that she might be exposed, thanks to the hackers who have access to all the info.

My Fitness Pal is an app that enables you to track your calorie intake and monitor fat, carbs, protein and how many calories you burn with exercise. The app was recently breached along with the data of 150 million users. Make that 150 million and one.

I’ve been using My Fitness Pal for several months and was officially notified as being hacked. While account logins and passwords were hacked, Under Armour, which owns My Fitness Pal, was quick to point out that payment information, addresses and birthdays were not. Like I care about my birthday getting out. What I do care about is a list of everything I eat and how much I exercise getting out. Talk about frightening.

To make matters worse, I am sometimes an emotional eater, which means my stress over my fitness app being hacked could well translate into weight gain.

Who wouldn’t be emotional? How would you like a detailed list of everything you’ve eaten to be in the hands of cyberhackers?

Hackers are probably in a dark room somewhere, sitting in the eerie glow of computer screens and laughing at fitness tracker data. “Look at this one! Couldn’t keep her calories under 1,200 for more than two days in a row.”

“Here’s one who thinks she’ll make goal in four weeks but hasn’t worked out in 10 days!”

Then they laugh a maniacal laugh and rip open a bag of chips.

I hope when they’re caught, they are locked in a house with a big-screen television that only broadcasts cooking shows and a refrigerator stocked with nothing but kale.

My best option may be to come clean before they try blackmailing me. So maybe I did have doughnuts for breakfast and pizza for dinner one day. Don’t judge me until you’ve had a crazy day of small emergencies, interruptions, multiple appointments, and everything you meant to take out for dinner is frozen hard as a rock.

And yes, a hot chocolate mix is part of my morning routine. What adult has hot chocolate every morning, you ask? Do I eat like I am a 6-year-old child? No, I eat like I am a post-50 woman in need of good bone health. Two tablespoons of the hot chocolate mix have 30 percent of your daily calcium requirement. I mix

I am sometimes an emotional eater, which means my stress over my fitness app being hacked could well translate into weight gain

it in coffee and pretend it’s a fancy mocha.

I try not to get bogged down in the individual days and prefer to look at the big picture. That would be the big picture showing days when I live on salad and other days when my plate is loaded with pasta, cheese and garlic bread.

All this business about being hacked has left me cranky.

It’s nothing a bowl of ice cream won’t fix.