STORY TELLERS

A page for readers to share their views, thoughts and stories.

Each week, we’d like you to share your thoughts, anecdotes, views or stories. Last week we asked you what you have done to come to terms with grief ?

When we hear the word grief, we think about loss. Be it a big or a small loss, it’ll hurt and even 14 years after my dad’s death, I feel hurt every single day.

Being a 10-year-old, for me my dad was my hero and I was his world. As the youngest daughter, I was spoilt with all the love, happiness and comforts in the world. My life was all rainbows and unicorns until that fateful night when dad left me. We were all grieving the loss and were heartbroken.

I thought the storm had passed; little did I know that worse was to come. Four years later, my mom passed away and it hit me the hardest. I was in my teens and needed her the most. Nothing ever got back to normal after that. At nights, I cried myself to sleep while days left me gloomy; it felt like the end of the world.

I couldn’t find comfort in anything I did and began neglecting studies... until one day I decided to channel my grief into something positive. I realised that if it wasn’t then, it would be never be.

I started writing, giving vent to my emotions. It was like having a conversation with myself, and the more I wrote about my loss, the less power it had on me. I started reading inspirational books. I became the magazine secretary in college and eventually got my life on track. The grief is still in my heart but I figured how to live with it and cherish the little time that I had spent with my parents. Shimaila Moquddam The last time I saw my mom was on Dec 23, 2017. On Jan 4, she was no more. The thought of losing her had always scared me. Ever since she had taken ill the previous year, I would often wake up in the middle of a night with palpitations. After losing her, my greatest fear came to an end. I cried for days – while walking on the streets, in the elevator, in public. I am 46 and mom was 75. I am ashamed to say, but I envied people who were older than me and still had their mums.

How did I get over the grief? Once I returned from India, I had to get back to work and that took most of my time. However, after work, I would spend hours on the couch, thinking about her. That affected my health. But my yoga mates came around and made sure I got back to my exercise regime.

I also realised time is a great healer. While it is important to get back on track, it is even more important to get back where you actually belong. Mum’s passing away, while it was shattering, was also an opportunity to be everything that I always wanted to – everything that she wanted me to be. I am now on a journey of selfdiscovery. Each day, I am getting closer to what I really want out of life and doing away with stuff that doesn’t really matter. Priya Ramchandran I felt totally shattered and hopeless when I heard the news of my father’s passing. He was staying alone with our pet dog ‘Tiger’. One day I was talking to my dad and the next day he was gone. I was heavily dependent on him for advice and guidance and his death was a huge shock for us all. But what surprised us when we went to India to perform my dad’s last rites was Tiger’s behaviour. He refused to eat or drink and sat near my father’s body the whole time. He even accompanied us to the burial ground.

Within days, he lost weight and was thin. Seeing the plight of the hapless animal, our grief was diverted trying to pacify him.

For almost three months we – my wife, children and I – spent time trying to get Tiger to eat properly nursing him back to health. Time that we would have spent grieving was spent trying to bring a living being, a faithful and devoted animal, back to be part of our life. Kovid Ranjan It might sound surprising but I suffered in grief for 15 years without knowing it. I was in India when I lost my mother; she was just 47 years young.

Busy as I had just had a child, I returned to Dubai and the next 15 years flew by with a career, raising two boys... until one day I suddenly found that I could not eat or drink anything easily. My oesophagus seemed to be blocked. While it was scary, I was also hesitant to visit a doctor until my husband had to visit a GP and I accompanied him.

There, I explained to the GP about my condition. He checked me and said I was clinically perfect, adding that the episode could have been due to stress. He casually asked me if any family member had died. It was trigger of sorts because I suddenly started sobbing uncontrollably after I told him that I had lost my mother 15 years ago.

He suggested that I consult a psychiatrist because my grief had been lying buried and unresolved. I realised I had not shed a tear since she had gone. Instead I had kept myself busy and not come to terms with my loss.

Fortunately, I was introduced to a person who guided me to meditation. After the first session of meditation where I wept like a baby through the one hour of breathing exercises I was able to eat and drink normally again.

It took me a year to get over my mum’s death, during which I had several episodes when I used to cry uncontrollably. I realised I had kept my grief and pain within me for so long, diverting my attention to my job and family, until it finally resulted in the condition.

Now I practice meditation as a part of my life and share my experience with others.

There are lots of people who live in the pain of having lost loved ones. My advice is – accept that death is imminent, grieve as much as you want, talk to people, have friends that can help you get over the pain. Don’t shut yourself away from your life, you will only suffer more. When you lose family at a young age, it’s difficult as the mind is too immature to understand the facts of life. Don’t carry the burden all your life. Make every day count and be happy. Vidya Prakash