Advice from the best in the UAE.
QI always try to encourage my children to eat healthily and keep away from junk food. However, when my children spend time alone with my in-laws when we’re at work or away, they always give treats of junk food, soda and candy to our children. They say they cannot see the harm in it. What can I do as I don’t want to hurt their feelings?
AThis is a question I get asked far more frequently than you’d imagine. I often hear from concerned parents about the inexhaustible junk-food supply readily available from Grandma’s. The ice cream for breakfast, the neverending fountain of soda, and the ‘special’ cupboard loaded with candy and chips! Yes, it’s an issue alright, but it’s an issue that needs to be handled very carefully to avoid conflict and upset.
You state you encourage your children to eat healthily, you don’t say whether you’ve imposed a complete ban on all unhealthy food or if it’s an ideal you aspire to. That’s why the term ‘treat’ is so important here and this could have a bearing on the situation as your in-laws may feel the children are ‘missing out’ in some way if they are continually denied it by over-protective parents. Or it might be that they see foods at the ‘junkier’ end of the spectrum to be OK because it’s served at home from time to time; thereby giving them an unspoken tacit approval of their own food arrangements with your kids.
From your question I can assume you’re working hard to prepare balanced meals, limiting sugary soda drinks and steering clear of chain fast-food, only to find all your good work and intentions unravel the moment you walk out the front door and Grandma’s now in charge; it can be very demoralising to say the least! I think what we do recognise is that it’s highly unlikely your in-laws are operating on any other level than love; we acknowledge they mean well, it’s just that your styles of nourishing the kids are out of alignment.
So, what action should you take? State your unhappiness and risk offending them – or stay quiet and let the un-healthiness continue? As with all parenting decisions, ultimately you must to do what you feel is the best for your family situation. Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to speak up and sometimes (this may come as a shock) it’s actually alright to let it slide.
Naturally you should always share any food intolerances or allergies (obviously grandparents should know this anyway) and if you think your child becomes unwell after they’ve consumed fast food, you really should say so. Another reason to speak up is if your children are cared for very regularly by your in-laws when you’re out, as this could influence their daily nutrient intake making them more prone to childhood obesity and the associated risk factors. My advice when having ‘the conversation’ with your in-laws is to try and keep emotions out of it as much as possible, avoid making your mother-in-law feel bad when her intentions are good, or even accusing them of not caring about your child’s health. This will prove counter-productive.
Always be sure your in-laws know how much you appreciate them spending time with your kids and the love they give them. Be open to compromise; if them taking your children out for an ice-cream once a week is really important, you can find a way to make it work by cutting back on treats at other times.
If they want to feed them fast food, candy, soda and junk every single day, then that’s a different matter – like most parenting issues, compromise, dialogue, compassion and plain old common sense are what you need.
Finally, just because your children may have extra dessert with your in-laws doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be begging for it from you, especially if you’ve all already established the house-rules and communicated your own food values clearly.