Relaxing puts her on pins and needles

Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Everybody and their mother is knitting. They’re making fabulous, textured scarves, adorable baby hats and ultra-durable dish cloths. They all claim it is a marvellous way to unwind and relax.

When I announced that I was thinking of taking up knitting to unwind and relax, family members looked at me like I said I am going skydiving. The colour drained out of our oldest daughter’s face. “Are you sure knitting is for you, Mom?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” I asked.

“A lot of people who knit are, well, maybe a little more laid back than you are.”

“What are you saying? Are you saying I can’t be laid back? Watch me,” I said. “I’m going to be laid back right now. Go ahead, set your stop watch. Time me!”

“It’s just that most people sit when they knit and you’re not really known for sitting.” “Then I can knit standing up,” I snapped. Someone else said, “Doesn’t knitting involve long needles? Who in this room thinks that Mom should have needles when she’s relaxing?” The entire mob yelled, “Never!”

So maybe I’ve had a few bad experiences when it comes to relaxing. I tend to get out of sorts and sharp with people when I relax. Relaxing doesn’t come easy for some of us, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying.

The last time I tried relaxing involved making jewellery. The creative expression was supposed to help you unwind, relax and find satisfaction in creating something with your hands.

Every time I was finally about to get a small charm threaded on a small chain, someone would barge in and ask if my new hobby was relaxing.

“How would this be relaxing?” I would asked through clenched teeth. “I’m working with teeny tiny tweezers, trying to hook a teeny tiny charm on a teeny, tiny chain. What I have here is a great big teeny, tiny mess.”

I was losing sleep, had eye strain and a dull headache. I gathered up all my tools of relaxation and sent them to my sister-in-law, who actually knows what she’s doing and enjoys it.

I’ve tried baking for relaxation, but it comes with a cost. About five pounds.

I even attempted yoga. The instructor recommended pants that were incredibly expensive. Who buys expensive pants and then crawls around on the floor in them? I was tensed before my first stretch.

Our neighbours bought a big RV to travel around in for the ultimate in relaxation. Their first trip out, the husband forgot to do all the pre-trip inspection and adjustments on the vehicle and they wound up waiting by the side of the road for a mechanic from 2 until 4am. They drove 120miles not speaking to one another.

I tend to get out of sorts and sharp with people when I relax... It doesn’t come easy for some of us, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying

Maybe the quiet was relaxing.

Their next trip out was for a three-day fishing trip. On the first day, the wife tripped climbing the steps to get into their lovely, relaxing RV and broke her tailbone.

Some people just weren’t made for relaxing.