You are being sidelined by your colleagues

Arguably one of the most poisonous and uncomfortable setbacks that can happen at work, being left out by the rest of the team can lead to insecurity, self-doubt, worry and worse. If it happens to you, high performance and productivity consultant Abigail Ireland (www.abigailireland. com) says it is almost impossible not to feel rejected and unpopular. ‘It can really knock your self-esteem and make you believe you’re not good enough,’ she says. So how do you deal with it?

‘This is a great opportunity to selfreflect,’ says Ireland. ‘Be unbiased and step into your colleagues’ shoes. Why might they be acting in this way? Is something else going on in their work/ lives that may be contributing? Do they feel threatened?’ Perhaps, she asks, you are being over sensitive? Consider if this is only happening to you. Maybe you’ll spot a legitimate reason why you are being left out.

It could be that your colleagues are not even aware of their behaviour – it could equally be that they are, and that deep down, you don’t really care, which in turn may lead you to question if your workplace is somewhere you really want to be. If it is, and you want to get to the root of this issue, Ireland suggests speaking up – but sticking to the facts.

‘Firstly, write down your thoughts and review these the next day. Tone it down and draw out the facts – try and collate unbiased evidence to reinforce what is happening and how you are feeling.’

Next, she says, speak to trusted colleagues to get their take on the situation – mention in advance that you value honest, objective viewpoints.

‘Identify the person with whom you want to raise the issue, such as the group leader or your manager. Be professional and calm in your discussion – most importantly, stick to the facts and explain how this makes you feel,’ says Ireland. ‘Then ask for their view on how you can work together to rectify the issue. Be clear on what you want to achieve, why and by when.’

Whilst it’s easy to think people are intentionally out to get you, they’re often not aware of their behaviour or the impact it is having on you. ‘Flag things early on and don’t waste valuable energy allowing unhealthy emotions to simmer,’ Ireland says.

As for positives to be gleaned from the experience, she says that situations like this help to build mental toughness, a thick skin and greater self-awareness. ‘They are also excellent for developing empathy and EQ – a key trait of successful people,’ she says. ‘Observing other people’s poor behaviour provides a powerful reminder for you to act in a more professional and considerate way when dealing with others.’

Don’t do this: Shut down, get defensive or become emotional. ‘None of these behaviours will result in a good outcome,’ says Ireland. ‘Being overemotional can distort rational thinking – we can create false realities and make mountains out of molehills.’

Whilst it’s easy to think people are intentionally out to get you, they’re often not aware of the impact it is having on you