The ugly duckling
Your true beauty lies in accepting yourself for who you are, says Wael Al Sayegh
Afew weeks ago, a family member sent me a picture of a product they found on the shelves of a local Co-operative Society outlet. The product was called “Ugly Duck” and was an instant skin-whitening and brightening cream. I have nothing personally against the concept of skin whitening, or darkening for that matter – what one chooses to use or not use is one’s personal choice. That said, the obvious response that many might have when encountering this type of branding is one of shock. What is being said when the word “ugly” is used to denote a skin that is not white?
The phrase “Ugly Duck” derives from a story called The Ugly Duckling by the 19th-century Danish author of fairy tales, Hans Christian Andersen. It was first published in 1843 in Copenhagen, and brought the author much critical acclaim. The story is about a young bird who is rejected by the family of ducks he was born into. He suffers abuse and ridicule and is made to see himself as ugly and unwanted. After going through a long series of repeated and painful abandonment he finally comes to recognise himself for what he is when he sees a flock of beautiful swans swimming by. He realises who he is when they welcome him in as one of their own. It turns out that the ugly duckling is the child of a swan whose egg had rolled onto a duck’s nest.
What is really interesting to me is that unlike in other fairy tales this hero does not need to accomplish anything. He doesn’t need to go on a long journey or bring back some magic potion from a faraway land where he has to slay a dragon. All he needs to do is accept his fate and wait until the right time comes to unfold himself to himself. I love that idea. It rings so true, especially to me.
When I was in school I was a “C” grade student, except in physical education, in which I always got an A. I come from a family of serious academics, and this average grade was very embarrassing to me. My younger siblings were all A+ students and here I was, the eldest, with nothing but ugly Cs!
In a vain attempt to change my fate I took to wearing spectacles. I did not need them medically, I just felt that smart people all wore glasses and if I wanted to be seen as smart I would need glasses as well. So I borrowed an extra pair my sister had. In due time my eyes were weakened and eventually I had to have my own set of spectacles medically issued. In a way it was like putting on a whitening cream, because it offered an immediate change to the perceived problem of “ugliness” I had.
It will come as no surprise to you that I never became an A student. I got some scattered Bs from sheer determination, but I remained at the same level overall. The trouble with artificially making yourself blend into an image is that it immediately devalues your true self to a level from which you might not recover. We get trapped into a reality of constantly trying to fit to the latest trend or fit into a mould that others have created, as opposed to simply becoming who we already are. The fact that I got an A in PE throughout my entire school career never raised an eyebrow on anyone. The fact that as a teenager I represented the UAE in tennis, was on the school football, basketball, athletics and swimming teams, all simultaneously, never stood out, not even to me. It took me seven full years after graduating from university to finally accept myself for what I am, a physically intelligent being who learns through physical movement.
We live in a time where almost everything around us is constantly telling us we are ugly, or not good enough in one way or another. Yet we are who we are, regardless of how we are brought up. We might have been born into a background that does not value our uniqueness, gifts and talents, but that should not mean we need to cover up our real selves and force ourselves to artificially blend in.
Your true beauty, the kind that doesn’t need a cream or an extra tuck or nip, is in accepting yourself for what and who you are. With that in mind, no amount of skin whitening or cosmetic surgery, literal or metaphorical, can make you more beautiful. Why? Because you already are. It’s just that you might be hanging out with the wrong flock.
Have a naturally beautiful Friday everyone.