A SLICE OF LIFE

Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Our columnist Lori Borgman finds out more about sleeves that clean as you cook, help you parasail, and sound good enough to eat.

Disturbing news on the fashion front – the puff sleeve is not going away anytime soon. I’m not against puff sleeves, as a matter of fact there was a time that I was in love with them. I was 7 years old and had a princess colouring book. Every princess wore ball gowns with puff sleeves and had long white gloves.

I’m no longer 7. Not by a long shot. Wearing puff sleeves at my age makes me look like a cake topper. Cake topper has never been on my bucket list.

Sleeves in general are big this year. In every way possible. The popular bishop sleeve is a fulllength sleeve that billows like a parachute, then gathers in a tight band at the wrist. It is pretty, feminine and graceful, but my first reaction is – how would this work in the kitchen? That tends to be my litmus test for most of my wardrobe pieces. Can I do dishes in this?

On the upside, the volume of a bishop sleeve would have a drag to it that cleaned countertops as you cooked. Of course, that also means you could have onion skins, carrot peels and red pepper seeds clinging to the underside of your beautiful sleeves.

Angel sleeves are like bishop sleeves, only they do not gather at the wrist. They hang loose like the wings of a condor. They are luxurious and voluminous. One strong wind gust and you’re parasailing.

Balloon sleeves speak for themselves – a large helium balloon on each shoulder. Stay away from children’s parties, because the sleeves could be mistaken for pinatas.

I will give you that big puff sleeves are positively adorable on the younger grands. But that’s also the set that wears knit tights with cute pictures on their bums.

The most interesting variation of a puff sleeve may be the tight long sleeve that has a puff sleeve at the top. It is called, I kid you not, leg of mutton. It is aptly named and looks like the hind leg of a sheep. It would be fun owning a leg of mutton (to wear, not eat) just to have the conversation piece.

Maybe I just need to think more regal such as in monarchs, Queen Elizabeth and Princess Di’s unforgettable wedding gown.

I used to have recurring nightmares about the return of shoulder pads, those huge foam pads in every blazer, jacket and dress that never stayed in place. When they did stay in place, you could be mistaken for a linebacker. I’ll take some of the more moderate puff sleeves over the old shoulder pads any day.

That said, I do like the drama quotient of the greatly exaggerated puff sleeves. They cry out for movement and gesturing. Someone recently asked if I could talk without using my hands and even suggested I create a clearance zone around me. Wait ‘til they see me talking and wearing leg of mutton sleeves.

The popular bishop sleeve is ... pretty, feminine and graceful, but my first reaction is – how would this work in the kitchen?